The Blue Camouflage

Kula and Community

2011-05-01T23:42:00.008-04:00

"Kula means community, so thank you for taking part in our community." This is usually the way Ana-Maria greets our yoga class on an early Saturday evening. Our studio, right on top of Futures, is called Kula which means community in sanskrit. All the ins and outs are done by way of teachers, students, and volunteers.

Katie, one of our volunteers or 'trades' organized an event for all of us to get together off the matt, and connect on a personal level. She bought beads and string so that we could make keychains for all of the people involved in the studio, as well as to give us the oppurtunity to spend some time in a relaxed setting.

The event was a success. We had lots of food from apricots, to vegan brownies and kosher cake. About ten of us worked together to complete the 30+ keychains for all our fellow yogis. There was a lot of laughter, merry-making and joy in the air. Afterwards we played some Twister in the studio, which led to some delicious asanas.

We all had a blast enjoying each other's company off the matt for a change. Our yoga is not limited to our practice, but is integrated into what we do together as a community.

Joy, Cleaning and Yoga

2011-03-04T18:34:00.003-05:00

Another challenging posture.

Like many yoga studios, Kula has a system called energy exchange. In exchange for volunteering your time with the upkeep of the studio, you are allowed to attend classes free of charge. The idea is to help out those who may not be able to regualrly attend practice. Energy exchange also fosters a sort of yoga community.

I was offered a position cleaning at Kula in early January. Previously I had been only attending Karma classes on Saturday as they were much less expensive. Joining Energy Exchange has allowed me to practice much more frequently, and get to know the different styles and facets of yoga.

One thing I did not expect was how I would warm up to the cleaning. It's actually become my favourite part! Everytime I'm left alone to fix up the place I get a bit of a thrill. There's several tasks to do, and I get to take as long as I like to make sure the studio looks great for the next morning. I'm loving the chance to spend time by myself and concentrate on the task at hand.

Yoga is actually more than simply the postures we do in class. I've come to see my time cleaning as part of my yoga practice.

Taylor Swift and the Dawning of an Age

2010-11-08T15:58:00.004-05:00

No mo' po mo!

We're all really tired of irony. I promise you, we are. After speaking to several people on the subject, it seems that the need for pastiche and reinvention has become tiresome, and there's something else this generation is looking for.

Postmodernism is a huge factor in this development. Postmodernism, though apparently ill-defined, is defined as a combination of past and present, scrutinization of language, and general isolation and lack of belief in history and religion. It gave us a lot of fun things like Seinfeld and Myspace photos wherein none of us smiled, but it's over. According to my seminar class it ended around 1995, but again all these things are ill-defined.

So if we're over postmodernism, I wondered what was next? Postmodernism after all was a reaction to *badabum* Modernism. So where do we go from here?

While we can't define the era yet since it's too fresh, and postpostmodernism sounds like a word a douche would use, something that is identifiable is the New Sincerity movement. I learned about this from perusing Wikipedia so I may not have all the facts just yet, but I'm very excited by it all the same.

New Sincerity acknoldges what we all long for. It does not categorize sentimentality as 'cheesy' and lets us explore these real feelings we all share. And the usher of this new era obviously is Taylor Swift.

I only got into Ms. Swift in the last year. While I enjoy her music, I found her lyrics at first a little bit surface and simplistic. They all talk about how she wants to be a princess, puts her makeup on, has a breakup and continues to look for love. But I couldn't stop listening and relating to her music (sans the makeup/princess part [though I do wanna be a prince {marry a prince?}]). Taylor Swift is just being honest and talking about what she longs for. She's not 'anti/post feminist' or being 'sappy.' She's being sincere. And it's about time.

I want love, hapiness, cozy moments and the like. And that's alright.

Haunted Corn Maze

2010-10-18T20:32:00.003-04:00

Corn Amazing!

Me and the Kingsway Krew (new clique) decided to go visit a haunted corn maze in Kitchener. We'd been talking about doing something spooky for years. It was time.

I am a jumpy person. This is a fact. I sacrifice my friends in the face of danger. Also a fact.

After ten minutes of waiting in line, and another ten waiting to get on the 'spooky tractor' ride, we were ready to go. The ride was akin to flowing down the river of styx. Dead people were jumping onto the tractor frightening the shit out of us attendees as we drove through a corn maze. Luckily I had Alice beside me, who I regularly grabbed and used as a shield.

Halfway through, the tractor stopped and we had to go through the haunted woods to find our way home.

I died of fear.

And the Sunday Routine

2010-10-17T19:17:00.002-04:00

Grandma Time

You may notice I have a lot of photos with my grandmother on facebook. My family gets together every Sunday to have supper at her nursing home.

We're seen as a bit of a pleasant anomaly by the staff; about ten of us come in carrying milk cartons with a potluck-type dinner.

It's a lot like having a mini-thanksgiving every week. Which is something I am definitely always down for.

Our Friday Routine

2010-10-15T16:34:00.002-04:00

I'd almost call it mini-bourgeoisie

I have Fridays off from school, so I wake up around nine in the morning. I have a gentle breakfast and look over my notes for school.

By noon I've met up with my cousin Rena. Sometimes we have tea at Futures. But usually we'll go to a one hour hot yoga class at Kula just above.

Usually the class starts with a story, followed by a thoughtful approach to a series of poses.

We return to Futures and have the special and a coffee. Then it's off to the Toronto Reference Library or a U of T library for a few hours of studying.

We return to our respective homes and prepare for a night on the town.

You can't knock a routine like that.

Today's Special

2010-10-14T19:20:00.002-04:00

Often when I go to a restaurant, I'll ask for the special. If it's a place that doesn't have a special, I ask for whatever the server likes most. Failing that I'll just ask (exasperated!) that I'll have anything.

I understand why it's frustrating for servers. They want to please the customer, as the service industry oft does. But my request, while annoying, is valid.

When I visit a friend's house for a dinner party (or what have you) I love the surprise of seeing what they've prepared. It challenges my palette and is always a pleasant surprise (assuming your friends cook well).

Today's Special is my mantra.

Cleanse

2010-10-12T19:15:00.002-04:00

Post-turkey blues.

Now that Thanksgiving has ended, I'm in want of a cleanse. Not that Master Cleanse that Beyoncé does mind you, wherein one only consumes maple syrup, honey and pepper. Just a simple, good-natured week where I minimize my food, and try to stick to uncooked veggies and water.

From what I've studied, these mini-cleanses have no real effect on your body. It takes a lot longer to make any real progress. But what these cleanses do offer, is proof to myself that I'm still in control. When I get caught up in junk food, holidays and winter laziness, I like that once in a while I can take a break from bad digestion and do something for myself.

Here I come, quinoa!

The Sacred Place in the Woods

2010-10-11T21:02:00.004-04:00

Natural chapels in every corner-

My grandfather left my family an old farm property after he passed away. It's several acres of trees and pockets of fields. It's so beautiful throughout the year that we visit in every season.

We called my grandfather the original pagan. He raised bees in his prime Insects, birds & critters alike would calmly walk up to him as if he were one of their own. He could talk about every plant on the ground as if he were acquainted with them. This was the place he felt at peace.

Walking through the 'Kaimas' as we call it ('farm' in Lithuanian) I can understand how he felt. I was constantly running into these spots that looked important in their own way. It was as though I was seeing these sacred places my grandfather had once been privy to.

Many contemporary religions look towards heaven or god or some other unseeable plane of existence. I find a lot of comfort in my grandfather's beliefs, where everything beautiful and worthwhile was always around him. Even when he was dying in the hospital bed a few years back, he'd leave food on the windowsill for the birds that would come by. It was as though nature had came to visit and to enjoy his company one last time.

Burning Door

2010-10-10T21:46:00.002-04:00

My mother and I burnt an old door down.

It was the entrance to our old cottage.

We watched it burn for two hours,

While I explained my theory on how fire is pockets of sun.

Small Town Chic

2010-10-10T21:27:00.002-04:00

Rock the country life.

I stayed in Creemore for a day during this Thanksgiving Weekend. My family has an 80 acre farmland that I've taken my friends up to more than once. But I always hear one annoying thing when I stop by the fruit stand on the way in,

"Oh my god! This is so cute. And this is their job?"

That's verbatim what a lot of people say. I don't have to defend any town, place or profession, but I will say that I'm not surprised that a lot of country people don't enjoy the attitude of city folk.

The City's Secrets

2010-10-08T22:15:00.001-04:00

I must be getting old.

Right by Front and Yonge there's this little mall inside an office building. I had walked down the street countless times since birth, yet had never seen this secret mezzanine. I love these little Kinder Suprises the city offers.

Thanksgiving this weekend. I'll be at the farm for three days so I'll try to write a few journal entries while I'm there to make up for lost time during blogtober.

-G

Grad Photo Blues

2010-10-07T20:22:00.002-04:00

I had my grad photo yesterday, and I realized that this is it. This is coming to an end. Nostalgia was creeping in on me.

When Canada won the gold medal in the Winter Olympics this year, I cried for thirty minutes straight. You can ask my grandmother. And she will see this reaction again on my graduation day.

As of June 2011, I will have spent five years at Ryerson University. It's been a trip. I chose this school on a whim. And somehow by chance I've had an amazing time. From our fake ACS prom night in first year, to Party Week in second year, the randomness of ACS 500 in third year, and not graduating in fourth year. This school and people have shaped me.

Some people still joke around calling us Rye High. They should be so lucky as to have had an experience like mine. I felt like family with everyone in my year, and I felt supported by all my professors every step of the way.

My grad photo really shook me up. I'll miss this place, but I can't wait to see where I end up next.

Dear Douch in the Theatre

2010-10-06T22:41:00.002-04:00

Dear Douche in the Theatre,

It's so good to hear from you. In fact, I couldn't help but hear from you at the theatre. Every 8.72 seconds you were eating your popcorn. Which usually is a fine thing to do at the movies! So I really respect that you had to find the most creative way to eat your popcorn so noisily and slowly.

First, you took a single kernel. JUST ONE because I know you love to savour things. And you would crunch it with your front teeth so that as to maximize the noise that resonated throughout the film. You see, most people put the food in their mouth and let the molars chew. If there's any sound, it's low and muted and hardly audible to the human ear. But you really stepped up with your unique technique and I was excited to be a party to it simply by virtue of being next to you.

Never let me Go was a gorgeous film, was it not? I'll always think of you now when the film comes to mind, and the subplot you added with the crunch-crunch-crunch.

yours truly,

A Testy Guy

Exorcised!

2010-10-05T22:11:00.003-04:00

I can do the elliptical like there's a demon inside me!

Just came back from an intense pilates class. I feel like I got into the exercise game a little bit later than everyone else. In high school while most of the boys were learning about how to use weights, I was under a tree writing short stories or memorizing lines for drama class (surprise surprise). I always figured I would be an academic type, spending more time with books and such than on the playing field.

I've found the two are actually more related than I thought! Sitting with books all day can be a strain on your back as well as your whole body. Ask any university student. Getting into exercise and physical activity has been paramount in keeping up with my studies.

My favourite yoga instructor, Ana-Maria once told me that one aspect of yoga is to be able to sit and meditate for hours. And so I've noticed that when I'm feeling fit, with a strong core and pumped from all my endorphins, I can sit and meditate over my school work for hours.

A simple truth yes, but those are the best.

Namaste

Bleu is Goo d

2010-10-04T20:29:00.003-04:00

Don't ruin meat!

I stayed over at a friend's recently, and the next day he made me breakfast. Or at least that's what he called it. Not to be rude, but it was 'crispy' bacon, which generally means burnt thin pieces of wood.

Growing up Lithuanian, my grandparents always made me bacon cooked just enough. It was mostly chewy, with a hint of smokey flavour. A lot of people shy away from rarer meat because it's viewed as unsanitary of unappealing. Honestly, you are missing out. There is a world of taste hiding in all those meaty juices that you are missing out on.

It's like I always say,

no blood, no good!

It Could Get Even Better

2010-10-03T13:42:00.002-04:00

It did. And it will.

No doubt a lot of you have read about the recent suicides of kids for either being gay or being perceived to be gay. Further to that, there are those videos being put out now called 'It Gets Better' wherein different celebrities and people part of queer culture encourage youth to not be victims but to survive through the discrimination until life 'gets better.'

I applaud the movement, because it does get a lot better if you stick it out. But my only minor suggestion would be relating to the celebrities and people speaking out about the cause. Having people like Jewel and Perez Hilton giving their support to gay or other marginalized youth is amazing. But it doesn't really capture a very wide demographic. A lot of these people are already part of gay culture, or gay themselves. We need to reach out to to people who the bullies look up to.

I realize I'm being vague, but let me give an example. If you recall, Hilary Duff made a public service announcement video a couple years back to try and curb the use of the word 'gay' as a pejorative term. Kudos to her and all, but if I recall my youth the people who were picking on me were not exactly the biggest fans of Hilary Duff. What I'd love to see would be something like a well known Hockey player talking about growing up and maybe even sharing a story on how he picked on kids who seemed gay, and learned the error of his ways. Not to stereotype, but it might be useful to reach out to the demographic that is doing the majority of the discriminating in high school.

I realize this is a bit of a jumble of thoughts, but all in all I love the 'It Gets Better' project. I can't imagine how many lives it's already saved. I also emphasize with the people who do the adolescent bullying, since high school is not easy for anyone.

TV & my heart

2010-10-02T11:10:00.003-04:00

I can only take so much.

Everyday, I'm bombarded with people telling me to watch new shows.

"You've never watched Summer Heights High?"

"You would really like Dexter!"

"Vampire Diaries and True Blood are amazing! I'm a douche! VAMPYRZZZ!"

That last one happens a lot.

But I'll be honest with you, TVphiles. I can only allow a certain amount of shows into my heart. I'm clingy. I get attached to characters. I can't just flirt around with several TV shows. I have my regulars that keep happy and secure. And this is who they are:

How I Met Your Mother

30 Rock

The Office

These are the shows I watch. These are the shows I love. Every week I see what Liz Lemon's up to, as her and I seem to be kindred spirits. Then I check in on Ted to see if he's found love yet. Still waiting. I end at The Office to learn how these small town employees find beauty in their everyday lives. I have actually been to Scranton, no lie.

I realize the danger of being so selective. Those shows all started relatively around the same time. It could happen they all end the same year, and I'll be left with a big gap. Recall the epoch wherein both Fraser and Friends ended. But I'm smarter this time. I have started Modern Family on the side to help me transition if a similar crisis occurs.

This is not to say that I don't have some summer romances such as Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara. I also sometimes channel my inner cartoon with Family Guy and The Simpsons. But I'm a televisionally trinogamous guy, and my heart warms when I hear the voices of my loves.

Blerg!

Suit up!

That's what she said!

My Twang

2010-09-30T22:34:00.004-04:00

Welcome to blog month. Here we go.

Even though I spent the summer in Quebec, the variety of French dialects was not what I noticed. It was in fact, the opposite: all of us English speakers from Canada and the United States had almost no variation within our own dialects.

This contradicts fun facts that we like to think about ourselves. Canadians believe that they are distinct from Americans. And even Americans like to think of themselves as distinct from state to state. While I do acknowledge that some dialects are noticeable like the Southern Drawl, or the Newfie English the people I met from those areas had very minimal difference in their way of speech.

What I find interesting is however, how one part of language was very distinct: vocabulary relating to drinking alcohol. Every province and state had its own words for being drunk, going for a liquor run, and names for alcohol. For example, all my American friends I met had never heard of a 'shooter.' They found the concept very funny. I can't remember all the terms for buying alcohol, but I'm pretty sure there's some part of Canada that calls it 'a boot' or something similar.

I have no idea what this all means. Why does the culture of drinking maintain distinct regionalisms? Maybe being drunk is taboo or underground to some extent. Or maybe we'd just have to be that drunk to think up such random words and phrases.

Crossroad

2010-09-20T19:56:00.003-04:00

I hope you weren't looking for a review of the Britney Spears film, Crossroads. Because that's in my other blog.

A few school chums and I were discussing how sometimes first years intimidate us with their starry-eyed optimism. Meanwhile we're 22 years old and very grumpy. Our hopeful dreams have died.

To an extent.

Nothing I have planned in my life has gone as I expected. This only counts my life from when I was 17, since I never really had plans prior to that. Back in high school, I planned to do a degree in communications and then work in corporate communications. And that would be that. But then I met some people in Arts and Contemporary Studies at Ryerson, and decided to go that route on a bit of a whim. And it's been amazing. I made so many friends, and was able to experience a downtown lifestyle with an extremely tight-knit, small school feeling. I couldn't have asked for a better community.

I was going to do my degree with a focus in culture studies and a minor in business communications. But living on my own had an odd effect on my brain. Not having anyone to keep track of me, I let my marks slip. A lot. First year first semester, I took 5 classes, and failed one. The next semester I took 4 classes and failed one. Then I took three classes and failed one. Then I wasn't in school anymore, and working at the bank. And it's been an enriching experience. I can't say I condone failing, but having to make it on my own in the workforce because of my own follies was a rude awakening. And I was fortunate enough to experience it before graduation. Nothing will surprise me now.

I thought the bank would be practical step in the right direction. I would work within the system, and I do the right thing. But I got bored. I got tired of going to the same place everyday. It may sound like I had a sense of entitlement, but I realized I missed school and learning. I still had a long ways to go intellectually. So I came back to school. My friend Melanie (who was one of the people who got me into Arts and Contemporary Studies) suggested in passing that I focus my degree in English, since I seem like I would be good at it. From that day I took every English class I could. And it's been delightful. I forgot how much I loved reading, and how writing persuasive essays was an enjoyable activity for me. I started looking into MAs in English, Rhetoric or Composition, as I believed I had found my true passion.

But as you can tell, people mentioning things in passing seem to have disproportionate effects on my life. So when another friend, Laurel Carter, told me (in passing of course) that I should work in University Education Administration, I took another direction all over again. While I'm still finishing my English, I'm now planning on doing graduate work at Concordia in the field of Adult Education. It's not so crazy of a transition. The life of an English graduate student is very difficult, the PhD processes can be a nightmare. Working on the administrative side of a university would allow me to be in an environment that encourages taking classes on the side, and being some form of an eternal student while still working a steady job. I'd hit another turn. And I'm glad I did.

I was going to include an analogy relating to the martial art, Akido here, but I realize now that that would be a bit pretentious. So instead, I'll say this: sharp turns in life can be disorienting, but go with them. Use all the momentum you get in life. It's been a crazy wild trip, and I can't wait to see where it goes next.

-G

Bonus content!

If you want to know my current five year plan (let's see how this one ends up morphing), here it is.

Finish my degree of Arts and Contemporary Studies with a focus in English.

Use my final year to gain experience working for Undergraduate Admissions and the program council.

Apply to Concordia for Adult Education, and hopefully get in.

Take another summer French course, this time at Université Sainte-Anne in Nova Scotia

Move to Montreal for September, and finish the one-year program

Take French classes on the side

After graduation, spend one year as an English Language Assistant in France.

Come back to Canada, work in a university

Work on a part time MA in English

We'll see where it all goes from there~

Scrabble Story

2010-09-04T11:38:00.003-04:00

Lindsay and I played scrabble. Took those words. And wrote something.

Lindsay's Story

My ex has a scar on both her knees and her hip. She got it one year while flying her jetpack over the deck. I made a fuss and tried to say how she shouldn't do extravagant things to vie for my attention. She said ogres were less judgmental and that I was behaving like a yeti. I said her insults made no sense as I had far less hair.

I had dug myself into a hole. Gloom washed over me. One day I sat in one of our vans and drank hops and grains while warming the engine. Drinking and driving is not a good idea.

I hit two bear cubs and was rife with guilt. I had to pawn a figure made made of aluminum I had found from the rocks and minerals collected in the lode in order to pay for the damages.

When I got back from the pawn shop, my ex was there. She said hi and put a lei around my neck. It was my birthday. I had been so melancholy it slipped my mind. She said turning 30 is a 'rite of passage' and proceeded to lead me around the room. It was the best birthday. We went to the wade pool and played bongos in a drum circle, pierced my lobed ear, and I got in touch with nature.

I apologized to my ex for all the ill I did towards her and wrote her an acrostic poem listing all the things I liked about her from A to Zed.

Gint's Story

Every year I vie for a girl rife with spontaneity and energy. The kind of girl whose warming presence can lead you to heaven and back and heal all your scars. Not surprisingly, most of my exes have been ogres. And one yeti.

That's why when I met Andrea on the deck that summer evening, I knew my gloom was to end. Falling in love at first sight is a rite of passage. And I'd dug myself into so many pits before that and girl was a welcome change.

"Cool party." I hear her say to me. She noticed me! I had to wade in the glory of the moment.

"Yeah, it's hip. The last party I was at they made us all wear leis. I felt like a pawn in some weird Hitchcock film."

"It's not worth the fuss."

There was a delicious pregnant pause that I didn't want to foil.

"I'm Andrea."

"I'm Jet."

"Real name?"

"Yeah. My dad's a cub's fan and that's the nickname of their star quarterback."

She guffawed and brushed her hair from her face. She had one of those ears that weren't lobed. I always notice that. The same way girls notice circumcisions. No, scratch that.

"Do you live here?"

"No, I'm visiting my cousin. I'm from Sudbury. Well, actually I'm from a mining rural suburb of Sudbury. It's a lode of fun."

"What?"

"Oh. Sorry. Mining joke. My home is so small town we don't just say zed instead of zee, we say zeb."

Bongos were going off in my head. I need to be with this girl. I feel like I say hi to so many girls but it ever goes beyond that. Not this time.

I tried to play it cool, dropping hints that we should see each other again. But other people came to talk to us and we lost each other. At one AM I saw from the corner of my eye that she was leaving. My last glimpse of her was of her white vans.

Helping Invaders

2010-05-06T09:53:00.003-04:00

I have a hard time believing this conversation even happened.

I was two hours early for an appointment, and it was raining hard. I like the sound and smell of this weather, so I sat under a tree by a school and just watched.

A native man approached me, and warned me that "In a time of thunderstorms, being under a tree is not safe."

I thanked him, and got up to leave but he continued further.

"It's funny. The white people take our land (he gestures around himself at this point), rape our women and leave us cold and miserable. I'm not saying you're white. I don't know your background. But it's funny that after al that we still help them."

It took me a second to realize he was referring to how he potentially saved my life with getting me to leave my spot under the tree. It all felt a little surreal.

Chloe Brings Toronto Home

2010-04-26T14:05:00.004-04:00

Allan Gardens!

Rivoli!

Yorkville!

Lesbian erotica, sexual intrigue and decadence aside, Chloe was still an exceptionally memorable film for me to watch. Based on the French film Nathalie... Chloe features a woman who uses a prostitute to spy on her husband to find out if he is cheating on her. What made this movie remarkable for me that it openly took place in Toronto.

Toronto usually has to be pretend to be someplace else. There's a key scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding (set in Chicago) wherein Nia Vardalos' character walks along the harbour with her love interest. But the scene wasn't shot in Chicago's Navy Pier, it was Toronto's Harbourfront. While Vardalos is a Canadian I understand why the the film took place in Chicago since she does live in the United States and did spend a great deal of her life there. Still, it's always bothered me that Toronto always had to pretend to be places like New York, Boston or other American cities to film a Hollywood movie.

Chloe is an important film for me for that very reason. There is no coverup of Toronto and all its sites. Several prominent landmarks are featured and called by name, and the protagonist is even featured in a fictional issue of Toronto Life. I love my hometown. I've had some amazing times here that can't be duplicated in other major cities. I'm happy to finally see a movie that doesn't present Canadians as a joke, or disguises Toronto's identity. Though, those who did see Chloe will understand why I will never see Allan Gardens the same way again.

For my Polish Brother and Sisters

2010-04-12T00:10:00.005-04:00

I went to the Polish Consulate tonight to pay my respects. I said a prayer for their president as well as many the many other prominent leaders of the Polish nation that perished in the recent plane crash.

As a Lithuanian, I'm aware of the difficult, and occasionally uncomfortable history my country has shared with Poland. Clearly some bitterness still lingers since we in the Lithuanian community may at times use the word polish (lenkas) as a pejorative term, implying there's something wrong or backwards with the people. After this disaster, I realized how close the culture of Poland is to my own.

Lithuania and Poland were part of one commonwealth for a few hundred years. We share the same religion, many traditions, and even have the same patron saint, Saint Casimir. We continue to share the same struggles, searching for recognition and stability in the European continent.

To lose so many people important to the Polish nation is a huge blow to all of us in Eastern Europe who are constantly trying to establish ourselves as strong self-sufficient countries. I pray that this misfortune will not lead to more unnecessary conflicts and suffering.

Swimming

2010-01-21T22:01:00.006-05:00

Swim, swam, swum

I started adult swimming classes today. It's open to anyone, so some people don't know how to float, while others are moderately adequate at the skill. I took lessons until I was ten, so I can do all the regular strokes, I just wanted to improve so that I can go to the pool without looking like a fool (a pool fool?). I was the only one in the class that could go in the deep end without a noodle, so it was fun to be able to whoop ass in water polo.

Everyone always says that 'swimming is the best exercise.' No doubt. I was diagnosed with arthritis in my right knee this year. It's fairly severe. So my doctor advised I start pilates, yoga and swimming every week to get some all around strength into my body with little risk. I expect I'll look like a chick by the end of the semester since most of those exercise classes have all women, but it's a price I'll pay.

I believe like there's something especially natural about swimming. Someone once told me that people like waterfront properties because we're all homesick for either our pre-evolutionary days as fish, or the warm waters of the uterus. Either way, I think this is something I'll be doing for the rest of my life for health reasons, as well as that fact that I'm starting to fancy the activity.

So look out for me with my Lion King the Musical © towel and my goth black swimming trunks. I'm excited to enter the energetic, if not slightly homoerotic world of the swimming pool.

Word Personality Test

2010-01-11T00:42:00.002-05:00

Think of the word:

set

Now, think of the first definition that comes to mind.

Set has the most definitions of any word in the English language. Depending on what definition you thought of first, you might learn a lot about yourself.

How Starbucks Won: A Grande Tale

2009-12-28T17:03:00.008-05:00

I never thought it would happen to me-

There are a few tendencies of consumers I learned about in first year. They're called adoption categories. There are Innovators who are generally sophisticated young people that lead the way for new trends in products. Then there's early adopters, early majority, late majority and finally laggards. Laggards are often older people who are stuck in their ways. In high school school, my nickname was Gramps.

It was no surprise to anyone that I was very late in getting into this "Starbucks Boom." What has been fun is that being self-aware of my position as a laggard, I could watch myself eventually relent to Starbucks' power, and become one of those people who have very specific drink orders (grande, soy, peppermint mocha[when it's seasonal], no whip).

Here is my journey.

1) I have always had an aversion to dairy and caffeine. The most I would indulge in either would have been those Iced Caps at Tim Hortons. I thought I was safe.

2) I moved to downtown Toronto to take a Liberal Arts programme at Ryerson (85% get converted to Starbucks at this point).

3) Instead of asking someone out, University students ask someone "out for coffee." If I wanted to continue having a sex life, I had to go through this necessary step.

4) I learned that working on my writing privately wasn't enough, and that I had to do it conspicuously so that everyone would know how artsy I am. I begin bringing my laptop to Starbucks and become one of those people.

5) My friend teaches me that I can get around the whole dairy and caffeine issue by getting a soy decaf latte. A whole new world of products was opened up to me.

6) Several of my school chums begin working at Starbucks, and when they offer me a free drink upon visiting, I always accept (free stuff is always yes)

7) They invent these Starbucks Cards that allow me to get free soy, flavour shots, and internet as long as I load money onto it.

8) Decaf turns out to actually have some caffeine in it, and I slowly built up an addiction to it after time. Coupled with a stressful exam period, I start to rely on Starbucks and realize that I have been going there at least three times a week.

9) The laggard finally gets on board.

For anyone who hasn't caught the extra bout of humour from this entry, how pathetic am I making jokes about Starbucks? This is the sort of subject standup comedians haven't touched for ten years, joining the ranks of airplane food and Michael Jackson.

What is interesting to me, is how big companies like Starbucks eventually saturate our world so much that most people eventually give in. I don't like caffeine and dairy. So I shouldn't be going to a coffee place. That is supposed to be the end of the story. But somehow by brilliant marketing or my own folly I become trapped by another trend of the western consumer society.

Ah well. At least I don't have a BlackBerry or iPhone...

I Knew It!

2009-11-19T14:55:00.004-05:00

I knew it! Except you didn't.

I could probably write a whole book on words of phrases I don't like, from redundant portmanteaus (guesstimate) to new expressions that should never have been allowed to exist (no homo). But for now, I have to discuss an old classic that gives me language indigestion.

"I knew it" is a flexible little guy. Like a cockroach or tumour it finds ways to exist anywhere at any time. What the phrase does which is both brilliant and annoying. It allows the speaker to retroactively use details from their memory to argue that they knew a recently discovered fact all along. I know. That's a pretty wordy phrase for a guy halfway done a general arts degree. But I can explain through an example.

"... and it turns out that Ashley was actually gay all along."

"I knew it!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well- she used to always wear converse shoes in high school. It's a lesbian thing."

When it comes to homosexuality, "I knew it" comes up way too often. Whenever someone comes out of the closet, there's always a person who claims they knew it all along. The thing is, they didn't. There's a big difference between having a suspicion and knowing something. If you saw Ashley making out with a girl at a gay club one year ago, sure. Then you knew it. But if you noticed her wearing questionable shoes, you certainly didn't know anything. Except maybe how to identify shoes.

There are some grey areas where I believe the phrase is acceptable. Sometimes if there are unsurprising repetitive outcomes to an ongoing subject, then "I knew it" can be justified to an extent.

"... so we all thought that this was going to work out. It was Ashley's third time in rehab. But the progress she was making was promising. But then, out of the blue during group therapy, she used a chair to smash open a window, and ran away into the night."

"I knew it."

"How so?"

"Ashley never changes. This is her third time in rehab after all. She has consistently not stuck to quitting drugs for ten years."

While it's not perfect, I wouldn't call it incorrect usage of the phrase, although "I'm not surprised" would have be a safer choice. The thing that the speaker knew, was Ashley's qualities that have remained consistent, unchanging and previously confirmed. This new circumstance is a logical continuation to Ashley's ongoing habits.

So the next time Ashley does something surprising or out of the ordinary, carefully consider what you say next.

Note: these rules also apply to people not named Ashley

What's the Game in your Head?

2009-09-29T02:23:00.003-04:00

I have this game I play in my head when I'm walking in a residential area,

If a car should pass me as I'm walking, my foot furthest from the road must be on the ground, while the other should not be touching the ground. It may sound like some sort of compulsive habit, but it is a game to me. The trick is to make it seamless, and inconspicuous.

I haven't consciously thought about this game until recently. It's always just been going on in the back of my head. But I know there are other internal games going with your minds too. I'm curious to learn what they are. Maybe I could pick one up even.

What is your head game?

Goodbye, Safari Car

2009-09-24T00:03:00.005-04:00

Safari Car made every ride feel like an adventure. We weren't just driving around, we were on a journey. Now he's on a different highway, cruising all the way up to the big guy.

Safari Car started his life around 1992. My grandfather needed a hardy vehicle for getting to his bee farm. The property was down a bumpy country road, and only a standard car with 4 wheel drive would be able to make it. That was when Safari Car entered my life.

We started out by doing simple things. Grandpa would drive me down to High Park so that we could look at nature, and Safari Car would be right there with me, taking me to where I needed to be. I was too young to fully understand that this machine was a family member, and not just mode of transportation.

Once my grandfather was too old to drive, Safari Car came to live with my family. Again, I didn't get to know him very well even then. He was just the secondary car, and he was much smaller than the big beige Taurus. When I started to learn how to drive, I avoided him altogether. No one wants to drive standard, when they have the option to go automatic. I was scared, and unready.

Then one day, when the Taurus was on vacation with my parents, it was just me and Safari Car. We didn't deal with each other. I stuck to public transit. But when a friend needed a ride home to Burlington, it was time to give this ride a try. We started out slow and awkward. There was a lot of stalling, and false starts. But after a bumpy two hour trip we somehow made it to our destination. And I had made a new friend along the way.

This was our honeymoon period. Safari Car and I went everywhere together for a good four years. I learned that by driving stick, I was driving with the car. We were interconnected. Not like automatic, which is mostly just pressing down a pedal to go. Some friends embraced the thrill of the Safari Car ride. Others needed time to adjust to his wild ways. And there were even some who refused to ride with him at all.

Safari Car had come to me late in life. He was an old soul. There were days where he would have trouble getting started. He didn't even let the key into the ignition sometimes. And when I drove on the highway, I could hear the wind passing through the door that never quite shut right. I knew we wouldn't have much time together, but I made the most of it. I can guarantee that much.

A few days ago, we realized that Safari Car was on his way out. My parents made it clear to me that we would have to 'put down' Safari Car. They assured me that we would get a new car, that was just as good. I didn't want a new car. I wanted my old partner to be okay. But that wasn't going to happen.

I don't know what happens to us when we die. I certainly don't know what happens to cars when they die. But when life gets bumpy, I always knew I could get in Safari Car and we could ramble along together.

Just wanted to say goodbye, old friend.

Party Philosophers.

2009-09-14T00:44:00.007-04:00

Drunk people. We think we're so smart.

I went to a party a few nights ago, and met this very intelligent man, Mike (I'm sure he won't mind me mentioning his name since he's a very 'chillz' guy). He was very into philosophy, and discussion. I believe we spent most of the night talking ideas, literature, policy and other lofty matters. I remember feeling engaged and enthralled.

Today, I'm trying to remember what it is specifically we talked about.

It happens a lot. These deep conversations that only come out under the moonlight and maybe some moonshine. If you have ever been to a party and had more than two drinks, I guarantee you have talked about one of the following:

You know man, people should be able to do what they want no matter what. Except for pedophiles. That's fucking gross. And those people that piss on each other.

You know, I don't consider myself a religious person. I'm more 'spiritual.' Like you know, that feeling when you walk in the park on and autumn day, and you can, like, feel god. It's like, whoah.

Oh man, pollution is the worst. I can't believe what we're doing to the world. It's all those corporations and shit that are fucking everything up. I mean, I don't recycle or conserve or do any of that stuff. But I care. I really care, you know what I mean?

This may prove the theory that alcohol does indeed make you dumber.

My Super Peppy Spirit Year

2009-08-23T23:02:00.005-04:00

I will be a residence advisor this year. Also known as a don. I've been training for a while now, and I see that this is a good fit for me for this year.

Seems odd that I would want to do this. I'm going into my fourth year (though I need to do a full fifth) so I should be pretty busy with assignments and such. I do need to have straight A's this year to get into grad school, especially if I want to secure a good TA job. But there is rationale to my madness.

I miss camp. Being camp counsellor is such an intense and interactive job. Being an RA is like this, except with an academic twist. And drunk adolescents. I need to do this. I need to get this out of my system.

With the experience I gain here, I may be able to get a graduate position at a residence for grad school. That way I could live for free for wherever I go (Waterloo is currently my first choice still, followed by UBC or Concordia). That would save me a lot of money. A lot of money. My english prof is still paying off his grad school debts. I don't want to be that guy.

So friends, I'm not insane. This is good. And who doesn't love parody cheers?

I love Low'Keefe and I cannot lie. You other peeps can't deny. When we walk in with pride in our face and spirit up in the place you get, WHAT? LOW'KEEFE! WHAT? LOW'KEEFE!

Dining in the Dark.

2009-08-13T22:32:00.005-04:00

Dining in the Dark. My friends and I decided to try out Toronto's take on it. Some places are very gimmicky. They have night goggles, or masks. O Noir, which is the one we attended was very well run. Most of the staff was blind, so there was a sort of message to the whole evening.

We went into a waiting room, and ordered. Then once we were ready, our blind waitress got us each to put one hand on each other's shoulder, and walk into the dining area. It was disorienting, but we found our spots alright.

Eating was difficult at first. Spreading butter on bread was a nightmare. But once we got used to it, everything felt very fluid. Like we were all bodiless voices talking in the night. One common occurrence that happens to people in this sort of situation is that they play around with removing some articles of clothing. A couple girls opened up their tops, and some of us boys let it hang out. Seriously. The dark does odd things to you.

In a way, we paid on average an extra ten dollars to eat at a restaurant that saves a lot on electricity. But it was worthwhile. It made eating an even more sensual experience.

Sick Sad World

2009-08-06T18:14:00.003-04:00

Dead cats, and the boys who walk them.

Up next on : Sick Sad World

I miss Daria

Why I Read

2009-07-30T23:28:00.004-04:00

If you're looking for something insightful, turn away. There will be none of that today.

My programme is mostly self-directed learning in a humanities stream. We have the pick of pretty much whatever classes we like, and in our fourth year we do some sort of final thesis or project. As you know, I have some anxiety about what I study. My focus is mainly English, which is a fairly general subject. What real world skills can this possibly give me? About two years ago, a girl named Daria gave me the answer. It's only clicked in recently.

"When we read, we learn about ourselves."

Maybe it sounds obvious, or maybe it doesn't. But I understand now. I would also take the point a step further. We also learn about others, and we learn about lies. That last one if kind of fun. I'll fill you in on it in a moment.

Learning about ourselves - It's true. Reading books, especially novels, will teach us about ourselves. When we step into that hypothetical world, we can consider how we may have done things differently. Or not. It's like being on the Stark Trek Holodeck. Playing out fictional scenarios. [Note: why did those Holodecks always malfunction in such malicious ways? If I almost died half the times I went in there, I would stop going! Idiots!]

Learning about others - If you've ever read the same book as someone and discussed it, you'll learn things about them that you didn't know. Like Michelle and me and our petite book club. We learned that most books clubs have more than two people [no friends?]

Learning about lies - Let's face it. English essays are all bullshit. "1984 uses imagery to portray a dystopian future." That's a bad one, but they're all fairly bad. All we do is bullshit bullshit bullshit. You can't really prove anything per se from a novel, except make some suggestions about the world of that book. We lie in an effort to convince those reading our papers. And this tradition of deception is good. The world runs on how well you can bullshit your way through it. Studying English gives us the upper hand.

So that's it.

Fuck you neurosurgeons, police officers and marine biologists. We have the real skills.

Dr. Romantic and Mr. Skeptic

2009-07-27T00:41:00.004-04:00

While watching 500 Days of Summer with my cousin, I had this dual analysis going on in my head at once. There was this romantic, hopeful Gint watching the film, and seeing himself in every frame. Then there was this dry humoured skeptical Gint, who had to tear up every scene. It went something like this:

Romantic Gint

This film has everything I need. First of all, opening with a Regina Spektor song pulled me in right away. It shows they really can relate to my taste in music. All those highs and lows that Summer and Tom go through are things I've been through in my life. Love isn't easy. Tom's unfulfilling job, and dreams to be an architect remind me of myself and wanting to be a novelist. The music was all by artists I would listen to. Maybe I'll look up the track list when I get home.

I hope to have a romance like Summer did someday.

Skeptical Gint.

This film has everything a indie tear-jerker needs to sell tickets. First of all, opening with a Regina Spektor song pulls in all saps who think they're original for listening to her. It shows they can really appeal to a broad taste in music. Portraying love on film is easy with two twenty-somethings with quirky/cute haircuts. Tom's unfulfilling job, and hoping to be an architect is just like every other person who would like a dream career handed to them. The music was all indie bands that will go mainstream any day now. And I'll bet they expect me to lookup the soundtrack at the record store tomorrow and buy it.

Chances are they'll be another romantic movie just like this one in theatres within the year.

Skeptic versus romantic. It's an ongoing battle.

The Emotions of a Sociopath

2009-07-17T01:25:00.002-04:00

It truly has been a long time since I have blogged. I want to write about things that evoke emotional responses in me:

1: Cars vs Bikes. I like to ride on bicycles, and I used to do it regularly in the city. More recently I've been driving my 'safari car' in the downtown core, weaving around cyclists (or maybe they're weaving around me). I often hear bikers complaining about cars and vice versa. I can't take sides on this. Car and bikes don't go well together. It pains me to see this ongoing conflict. I don't know if we can ever restructure the city to allow both to coexist in peace.

2: Toronto Bashing. It's actually kind of funny. A lot of people from Toronto don't even know that the rest of Canada hates us for reasons I can't fathom. Macleans Magazine is notorious for bashing our city. They wrote a cover article called "Toronto Stinks." Of course this refers to the garbage strike, but it's such a vulgar way to put it. They also stated last year that people in Calgary are much more cultural than Torontonians. This I had to laugh at. Sorry Calgary. I actually like you a lot. But I know that you are not the centre of culture in Canada as this periodical claims. Though that's just one example. All of Canada relishes putting down Toronto. But maybe I myself am biased since I grew up in this city, and it's brought me nothing but joyful memories.

3: Wastefulness. This one makes appears related to environmentalism, but it's not. I just have this emotional moral reaction to wasting resources. I just don't see the point of using more than you need. Let me illustrate. When I was helping run an event that involved food, I saw a lot of people picking up snacks, having a bit and then throwing it out. Being the prick I am, I made a sign that said "please do not be wasteful of food." Then, something unbearable happened. A fat fuck picked up a muffin that was beside my sign. In one motion, he took a bite, turned around and dropped it in the garbage bin. I still can see this fat fuck in my mind.

But I'm an optimistic person. The world is not made of fat fucks.

In Bondage to Fans

2009-06-11T08:47:00.004-04:00

I saw Neil Gaiman a couple nights ago for the Luminato festival. He wrote some great books and series, like Neverwhere or Sandman. Two film adaptations of his work, Coraline and Stardust also got a lot of critical acclaim.

So what bothered me at the reading/Q&A was the fans. Obviously fans will be fans, but it was quite a spectacle. The first woman who asked a question could barely speak:

"I- I- I- I- oh my God! I can't believe I'm here talking to you. You know the character, Hunter, from Neverwhere? I named my daughter after her. I named her after a character from your book!"

"Do you have a question?"

He was being far from rude, though some audience members might interpret it that way. Another time he had to cut off someone for interrupting him during an answer. When the Q&A was over, one older man stood up and yelled "My child has a question! Indulge my child please!" Literally, that's what he said.

While everyone wanted more time to ask questions, Mr. Gaiman had to wrap things up. He is a very busy guy. He did stay until 1am to sign books (one book per person) so he's still fairly generous with his time.

So my question here though, is who owns who? Do the fans own Neil Gaiman because they made him as rich and famous as they did? Or does he own the fans, because he is creating a product that has impacted the life so much, and he should be able to do it on his terms. I tend to agree with the latter. People will steal all your time if you let them. Some fans get miffed and blog about how some celebrities won't sign autographs or something, but if they signed everyone's autograph then there'd be no time left for them. While fans' zeal is lucrative for any celebrity, the audience should realize that if they want more of what they like they're going to have to give the artist the room to do it.

Learn to Let Go of Stress - The Five Year Test

2009-06-02T13:57:00.006-04:00

This might be already obvious to people, but it's helped me recently.

Sometimes I allow myself to get stressed out by these insignificant things. I'll let myself go dizzy from letting it take control of my thoughts. So, to combat this I find it helpful to remember the Five Year Test.

If something is eating away at me, I just ask myself if this will matter in five years. If it doesn't look like it will important then, I try to let the thought go. If it will have some impact, I look at how I can solve it step-by-step.

In first year I got some bad grades, that really put me behind on my degree. I wasn't taking school seriously enough. Sure enough, even three years later this affects me by way of having to take extra courses, and being just a few steps behind everyone.

Like all of us, I've had little interpersonal interactions with people that have made me a bundle of nerves: He said, she said, personal politics, awkward romantics, and sexual situations just to name a few. Thinking back, I can't think of any that were worth the stress. And none of them certainly have any bearing in my life now.

I'm not good at the Five Year Test way of living at all, but I'm going to give it a go. There's no need to let anxiety get in the way of the best years of my life. I'll let myself worry about it all in five years.

♥

-G

The Subliminal Text Message

2009-05-26T19:25:00.002-04:00

It's happened more than once. I use T9 on my cellphone (predictive text) and I end up getting another word I had no intention of using. Then I wondered, is there some underlying meaning to my text via these secondary words? I did a little experiment to see how different the message can be depending on which predicted word one uses.

Here's a perfectly innocent text message:

Hey Jim

I had best time with you yesterday. You only bring happy days. Thus, there are plenty more to come. It's rare for me to have such a good time. My puppy especially got along well with you. I think it's because you always bring it treats. But I don't care. You're my knight on a steed. It's sad you're moving to the east coast. I hope you can handle a whole new turf. All I'll be able to do while you're gone is sew. All you live for is that one thing. Summers. So I'll say the Lords Prayer for you.

Well, goodbye. I wish you could see me give birth to our little boy.

Ps. Oh, don't forget to see my Aunt. The deaf one.

Now, let's use some alternate words, and see how it sounds.

Hey Kim

I had the best time with you yesterday. You only bring happy days. Tits, there are plenty more to come. It's rape for me to have such a good time. My pussy especially got along well with you. I think it's because you always bring it treats. But I don't barf. You're my knight on a queef. It's rad you're moving to the fart beast. I hope you can handle a whole new turd. All I'll be able to do while you're gone is sex. All you live for is that one thing. Stoners. So I'll say the Loser Prayer for you.

Well, goodbye. I wish you could see me give birth to our little cow.

PS. Oh, don't forget to see my Cunt. The dead one.

The Cursèd Curse of Retail

2009-05-21T16:56:00.002-04:00

While I often give kudos, I give special kudos to whomever knows this character.

When I used to work in retail (very briefly) we were always taught to greet the customers in a friendly manner. Lots of "Hey, how's it going" and "Hullo, may I please help you?" It was probably one of my least favourite parts of the job, especially when working in clothing (when I worked at Indigo, the customers were actually all very interesting conversationalists). The thing I didn't like about it was that I always got annoyed glances, and blank responses from the customers, hurting my already oversensitive and oversized ego.

So it was surprising to me, when I walked into a Bluenotes (yeah, I still love it) and no one said hello to me. What was even more surprising was that it made my shopping experience less enjoyable and I actually wanted some human contact. I had to reconsider my stance on the "retail greeting."

So I just wanted to get the opinion of some former and current retail people on what they thing of the greeting. I'm interested to know why it is or isn't working for some people.

Lucky Jeans Wants You To Do It In The Butt

2009-05-14T08:04:00.004-04:00

Firstly, I'd like to apologize to anyone who has any decency. But I love shit like this. I saw this sign at Lucky Jeans. "30% Off Bottoms." I don't know how the exchange works, but hope you get to take these "bottoms" home. I'd be uncomfortable doing it with all the salespeople looking.

I saw this sign by my parent's house. Apparently there are men with having butt sex as well. From what I can tell from the image, there are multiple butts involved. As you can tell from the sign, if you want to participate, just meet up with these people at the "Four Seasons."

Only a Dollar for a Good Time

2009-05-11T08:00:00.002-04:00

I had the most wonderful discovery last week. I was at the reference library, reading books on English Language History, when I heard a weird announcement over the PA.

"Come see our used book store on the first floor. All proceeds go to charity."

As I ventured down, I found the place, nestled in between the first floor computer area, and some offices. It was this tiny room, stacked high with books. Every single one of them was a dollar or less. Gracious me, I nearly fainted from excitement. I've been trying to read more canon, and I found quite a few from various authors to supplement my collection:

Around the World in Eighty Days

Watership Down

The Mansion

I Claudius

As You Like It

Don Quixote

The Importance of Being Earnest

I'm halfway done Around the World (it's only 150 pages) and I look forward to reading the rest when I have time here or there. I've never had such a good time for a dollar.

The Heart of the Pig Roast

2009-05-10T09:54:00.005-04:00

There is definitely some magic to going for a pig roast up north with your friends. Especially if these are the people you have known all of your life. The sense of familiarity goes beyond being simply comfortable; we are family to each other.

The journey takes on a new meaning in itself. We all come out for affairs like this because we walk together in life. We're not alone.

Some of our traditions and customs may seem irrational. Maybe you even find this picture appalling. But it's these cultural events that we share that solidify our the bond of our group.

We all have so many memories in common. When we're together, every place feels like home.

Sorry for my Stupid Stupid Voice

2009-05-09T08:35:00.003-04:00

Just briefly-

I got my ear cleaned out. One of the most excruciatingly painful ordeals I've ever gone through. Apparently I've had a huge blockage in there for a few years now. When everything came out, suddenly I could hear forty percent better (random guess). I suspect that my voice may have been as loud as it was due to this hearing impediment. So let me get this out of the way:

To everyone whose embarrassing incidents I've ever blurted out loudly at a party,

To everyone who has ever fallen asleep within a two block radius of me, and was woken up by my talking,

To everyone who has ever had to lean in close to hear me say something at a club, then get blasted by voice,

To everyone who ever had to be on the streetcar with me while I talk on my cell conspicuously about sex,

I'm sorry. I suppose.

A Evening via Camera Phone

2009-05-08T08:37:00.010-04:00

Laurel and I decided to enjoy our afternoon, and document it from the perspective of a camera phone. It was a short journey, but one littered with visual oddities to delight us.

Can you believe the nerve of this restaurant? It is demanding that we PROVIDE DIM SUM ALL DAY. Most restaurants I've gone to provide the food, but this one asks so much of its customers.

Carrying food home in a Doggie-Bag? My my, aren't we so city?

A dark omen attempted to arrest our journey, but we pressed on.

We couldn't get a photo with the local peacocks of Kensington Market, but we have this feather as proof of their existence.

An angry pear accosted us at The Last Temptation. It has fierce fangs drawn on, and a message written on its front: "Mangee Rien Moi" which as far as I can tell, means "I haven't eaten anything."

We stayed for three hours, and had two pitchers of Creemore beer. It was the beginning of many summer adventures for Laurel and me.

Obsessed with Hating on Popular Culture

2009-05-07T09:11:00.003-04:00

My wonderful friend, Leah, took me out to see Obsessed yesterday. I was thoroughly entertained, though not because it was particularly well done. The movie just had a nice fast pace full of tension. The movie itself was pretty much a prelude to the girl on girl fight scene at the end.

As we were leaving, I overheard a couple of teenage girls talking.

"That was so stupid eh?"

"Yeah, totally stupid!"

"Beyoncé is so bad!"

"They were all so bad."

This is something I hate to see and hear. People bonding over how 'dumb' something is. Being negative about something is fine, as long as one is critical. If you can reasonably discuss why a show or film is unintelligent, and why it's funny on that basis, then fine.

I just can't stand people feeling superior over something they saw. A laundry list of complaints won't make you interesting. Those people are so stupid! They're so bad eh? Don't you think? All those people are so dumb. Yeah, they're sooooo lame.

Secret Eating aka Confessions of a Ice Cream Eater

2009-05-06T08:02:00.003-04:00

It happens some nights. I wake up in the middle of the night, and I feel a craving. Without waking a soul, I sneak downstairs and open the freezer, and see my prize. Oreo ice cream. It sits there comfortably, waiting for my first move. During my waking life, I make a point of not eating dairy. I find the taste jarring, and it upsets my stomach. But once every two months I get this inescapable hunger for it. And like a booty call, we meet in secret without talking, do our business, and leave silently.

Sometimes I have to laugh at myself. Who am I kidding? Why is it that eating in secret makes it 'not count'? But I know I'm not alone in this practice.

We're all guilty of this habit from time to time. I've seen it in people's faces. The guilty look, the chewing of gum to cover the smell, the shifty eyes. But this blog is a safe environment. Feel free to share.

Fun With Words: The French Edition

2009-05-05T08:42:00.003-04:00

No video for this one, but it runs along the lines of yesterday's 'it' rant.

Looking back to French class in elementary school, we were always taught to say: «Il fait froid.» That is to say, "He makes cold." So while yesterday I was perplexed as to who 'it' was, now I wonder who 'he' is.

Is it God?

21 Candles & More Fun With Words

2009-05-04T08:51:00.005-04:00

Thanks again for all birthday comments, everyone.

I didn't really do anything for my big day this year. I have this irrational anxiety that if I had a party and dropped hot coffee on someone, they wouldn't be able to get angry with me because it was my birthday. I can't take that kind of pressure.

On other news, I have a new thought about words. Specifically the word 'it.' It comes up so often in English, and sometimes it doesn't even refer to anything specific. 'How's it going?' What is 'it'? I explore these on my video on youtube. Or you can see it on my facebook.

Pokémon Sentimentality

2009-05-01T10:00:00.003-04:00

Props to anyone who knows the name of this Pokémon.

I've been talking about this series a lot to friends lately. I think some people are finding it weird. I'm just excited because I bought the new Pokémon Platinum recently. And the game has a very special place in my heart.

I remember when I was younger, still in elementary school, I didn't always quite fit in. So there was me and this one other girl who used to play Pokémon by the portables, and just hang out with ourselves. It was fun to dive into that fantasy world, and believe that I could have all these monsters at my command. Might've been a little bit empowering in a way, even if that sounds sad.

It's just that people have such a stigma with video games. Like it's some kind of nerdy thing. But it takes a lot of people to put one of these out. There are musicians, designers, and writers who all work together to create a fluid narrative. Many games now even allude to each other, creating intertextuality in this new medium.

So maybe I'll never be able to 'catch them all' but I'll certainly enjoy trying.

See you on the battlefield.

Mildly Humorous Signs and Headlines

2009-04-30T07:47:00.004-04:00

I'm sorry, but I love shit like this.

I saw this sign at a Popeye's Restaurant. If there's no pickup, stopping, waiting or parking for Popeye's customers, how will they ever buy their fish burger?

I've always believed that the son of God has been riding on Madonna's fame much too long. "Like a Prayer" is way catchier than the "Our Father" prayer.

super_hot_cool_babe88@hotmail.com

2009-04-29T10:13:00.003-04:00

I was thinking about all the aliases I've had on the internet, as well as my emails. Especially in my younger days, they were- ridiculous.

gman@imaginemail.com - gman was what my uncle used to call me. I guess I thought it gave me 'cred.'

road_to_eden@hotmail.com - don't even want to talk about it.

chronowarp2k@hotmail.com - I really enjoyed Chrono Trigger from the SNES. And I liked how they 'warped' in time. The 2k was to commemorate how I made the email during the millennium.

grenade_gone@hotmail.com - This was stupid. I thought my email wasn't masculine enough, so I put the word 'grenade' on there. 'Gone' was simply to make it an alliteration.

gint.black@gmail.com - I started to think that I should have a more professional names. But I thought 'Sileika' would be too difficult for people to remember. So I just put 'black.' It may have been a remnant from my emo days.

s.gintpaul@gmail.com - My current email. A good one, I believe. Probably a keeper. Gint is my first name, Paul is my middle name and work name, and the 's' represents my last name. So perfect.

BONUS: Here are some screen names I used for different websites.

LynxRed: I used this for gaming websites. I liked 'Lynx' from the Chrono Cross game for Ps1. Red was just added on to make it long enough.

arson_black: Again, trying to be cool I guess. I still use this for LiveJournal.

BlueCammo: My current internety name. I just enjoy Blue Camouflage. Very easy pattern to look at.

Little Bite Book Review: Saturday

2009-04-28T08:07:00.003-04:00

-Saturday is written by Ian McEwan. McEwan also wrote Atonement, which was recently put onto the big screen.

-The book's protagonist, Henry Perowne, is a neurosurgeon. Perowne has a rather unique voice, because of his profession. He analyzes life on very medical terms, making the prose very cold, while still vivid.

-If you can handle slow books, I would very much recommend this one. The novel takes place over twenty-four hours, and the majority of it takes place in Perowne's introspective thoughts.

Halloween 2: Featuring Heidi Montag

2009-04-27T08:21:00.003-04:00

Before you read this, I implore you to watch the trailer for H2 i.e. Halloween 2 by Rob Zombie.

The trailer looks alright. It seems that H2 features a blonde woman dressed in white who is the driving force behind Michael's murderous rampage. She has all these memorable lines, like "Kill her, baby." She is also the striking image of Heidi Montag, bringing that much needed "The Hills" feeling to the picture. I very much enjoyed the original Halloween, as well as the recent remake, though this sequel may be sub-par. I'll still give it a chance though-

Contrary to my disappointment with this upcoming film, I do support movie remakes.

Sometimes they are cash grabs on already established brands. Sometimes they may be a tired attempt by jaded production companies. But, when a movie is strong enough to have a following over several decades, it means the series itself has a lot of staying power. If a film gets remade for contemporary audiences, it's indicative of a quality production that a young audience needs to visit, and an older one to revisit.

This is touching on an issue I was taught in English class: the best stories are retold again and again. They can't die, or remain static. They're in a constant state of rebirth. So while it may be jarring to see a flick we enjoyed when we were younger done up with a lot of special effects and a new cast, I would suggest that the picture still be given a chance. Don't write off movie remakes right away.

Even if I have my limits though. I once heard a rumour that The Exorcist (my favourite film) was being remade starring Dakota Fanning. Thankfully, not true. Would you have been able to take this seriously?

Lithuanian Dancing and You

2009-04-26T09:29:00.002-04:00

No time for a proper long post today, sorry.

Today is my Lithuanian Dancing Concert. It's sort of a little taste of what we'll be doing in Lithuania in a couple of months.

This is my last year of being ethnic, so I'm going to savour it.

Saying Goodbye to the Gay Club.

2009-04-25T10:33:00.005-04:00

I was sitting in the patio at fly, and was talking to some gentlemen I had never met. He was saying how as homosexuality becomes more accepted in Toronto, the gay village and the clubs slowly begin to die out. This is a good things on a human level; then there'd be no distinction between gay people and straight, and everyone can live happily holding hands around a map of the world.

Well, ideally anyways.

I would miss some things. It made me think of that song, Where Have All The Flowers Gone. Except replace 'flowers' with 'drag queens.

Goodbye.

My Ambition, My Fear

2009-04-24T05:21:00.006-04:00

Congrats if you recognize the pictures.

I have my last exam in an a couple of hours. I very much hope I do well.

It's no secret that I love school. I feel very comfortable in academia. Sometimes I don't always make the best decisions regarding schoolwork, but I can honestly say I make better decisions every year. If I do well, I really would love to get my masters, then PhD, and live within the confines of university life till the end of my days. Well, ideally.

It's extremely difficult to go about this however. It takes between 4-7 years to complete a PhD. That's 300 pages of writing on a subject.

So I get worried sometimes. This is my ambition. But if I don't attain this, what will I do with myself? Will anything else just be the 'second choice' on the life I could have had?

That's why I find this current culture of "reach for the stars" and "you can do anything" a bit ineffective. We can't do anything we want in life. There are limitations. Maybe the idea behind these "philosophies" is to motivate people, but I can't say for sure. I feel as though that's the reason Westerners have so many mid-life crises. All these kids are growing up being taught that they can be astronauts or run pony farms, but they won't.

I'm not suggesting some sort of nihilistic existence wherein nothing matters, and we accept the darkness of life. I lean more towards the "be happy with what you have" mindset. Especially in Canada, we are so lucky for everything we've got. Who cares if someone we know does a little better, or is dating someone a little more attractive. We have so much more than anyone else in history. It's time to celebrate.

And as for being a professor, I certainly am not giving up on that dream. It's true, I don't believe that "anything is possible". But getting a PhD is possible for me, and I plan to take the next two years of university to shape my future towards that goal.

See you at my class.

How I Beat Procrastination and Lived to Tell the Tale

2009-04-23T07:54:00.005-04:00

A few days ago, I was studying for an exam. Sometimes I have trouble with procrastination, so I told myself, "Okay, just give yourself one hour of work, then you can take a break."

After one hour, I was between chapters that I was summarizing notes for. So I thought, "Okay, just finish this chapter then give yourself that break."

When I was done that chapter, I realized there were only two songs left on the CD I was listening to. So I decided, "Okay, just finish these two songs, and then you can take your break."

Once the CD was done, I was between chapters again. "Okay, I'll just finish this- wait a minute! It's been two hours since I started working."

Thus, I learned the weakness of this devil. Maybe procrastination is inevitable- but one can procrastinate procrastinating.

From The Blogging Archives #1

2009-04-22T13:50:00.003-04:00

I was reading through my old LiveJournal entries today.

What I thought was so interesting and provocative then, was actually just teen angst.

It's fun to review my former self though-

And who could forget all those flame wars?

Here is a transcript of what someone wrote about me anonymously. Check out the original entry here:

Anonymous: wow you are honsestly extremely uncool and hardcore hypocritical, honestly. I bet you don't understand half the things you read. you just write them to appear cool to your friends. alwasy trying to the status quo.

eh and don't forget extremely judgemental. you stereotype too much. it just shows you cant form your own ideas.

me: Well, everyone has their their own opinion of me I suppose.

I'm not sure how this entry is hypocritical. I just found something interesting in Macleans, and posted so I could share it, and maybe see what other people think of that idea.
I can be judgmental sometimes, and I do stereotype people sometimes. Everyone does. We all try not to, but it happens. If this entry offended you, then I'm sorry you feel that way. Just tell me what upsets you about this entrey specifically?

Jenn: some people are rude.

why would they insult you using an Anonymous thing.
if your going to insult someone you might aswell not do it secretly. thats lame.

Anonymous:

I never said anything about this entry specifically. you're judgmental all the time, and you stereotype all the time too. to say "everyone does" is to say that the entire population of earth judges and stereotypes. so wrong. and Jenn it's "you're going to insult someone" not "your" that's lame.

Gint and his buddy, Gin

2009-04-21T08:49:00.004-04:00

I have this hypocrisy I go through about twice a year.

I go through these four months where I am completely sick of booze. I avoid it, and condemn it.

Then the warm air comes out again. Patios, cold beer. And I go through this little explosion of partying. Like those four days in a row last week. During exam period.

If you want to do well

Then studying is swell

If you want some fun,

Then liquor is quicker.

-GP Sileika

Also, check out my new video, if you haven't already.

I Am Not Qualified To Wash Your Windows

2009-04-20T08:29:00.004-04:00

I am getting fairly desperate for summer work. I'll be going away for two weeks in July, and I will also be missing the last two weeks of August because I'll be a don at residence already.

So I've been applying anywhere I can see on Craigslist, just to make anything I can. The most recent place I looked into was a window washers. I figured they would be flexible. I sent them an email, with a very eloquent cover letter:

Hi, my name is Gint Paul. From a very young age, I would spend summers at my family's hobby farm. I was expected to mow the field, and shingle the roof. It felt wonderful to be in the country, and make it a more beautiful place. Because of this, I would love to work for your window washing business. I'm an energetic student, ready to have an exciting job outdoors thus summer. I can be reached by email or phone. My resume is attached.

Their reply:

You didn't send your resume, just a cover letter.

Fucking hell. I'm an idiot. I'm not qualified to wash your windows.

The Double Summer Life

2009-04-19T09:06:00.003-04:00

While we are in school, the world of summer and the one of the academic year are completely different. I was recently reminiscing with some friends about last year's vacation time, and I realized it felt like an epoch in itself. There is one definite tendency I have noticed.

The group of people we hang out with is always fairly different than the one we spend most of our time with during the other two thirds of the year. This is especially true for people who go to university in different cities. Some people have a reoccurring summer group, while others make a new one every year.

That is not to say that these groups are inauthentic, but instead that circumstance dictates who will be available where and when since summer has many variables. It's all dependent on where one is staying, where one is working, and if one is taking summer school. So it's not that these friends have an expiry date (except Linsday) but instead that these relationships are almost a microcosm of a few years of friendships taking place over a few months.

I get a lot of flack for mentioning my theory, as it sounds like I'm suggesting perhaps we're only biding our time until the 'real' friends show up. This could not be further from the truth. Anyone who has stayed at an overnight camp or had a Euro trip may find parallels with what I'm saying. The summer group is not just a passing whimsey. The summer group affects us intensely and quickly. The summer group leaves a stronger impact on us in a shorter period of time than other long-term groups we may be a part of.

The 1990s Reborn

2009-04-18T10:55:00.009-04:00

I was at the Dance Cave with Alice and her buddy, Charlie. We used to have a big group that came for the 80s nights two summers ago. It was one of the best memories I have of university. When we asked if the events still happen, we were told that they have been replaced.

With 90s nights.

I'm certain that this is not the first 90s night in existence. But it does bring up some interesting issues for me. I remember 1999, thinking how are we going to define the 90s? It didn't seem framable. It was simply the time I lived in, with unique musicians, fashion and television shows. But now in retrospect I can give it some sort of vague generalities. I have images of brightly coloured synthetic jackets, poppy divas with grungy rockers, and touching sitcoms featuring 'very special episodes.'

Then I realized as of writing this, that we're in 2009. What are the 'naughties' going to be remembered for (the naughties are 2000-2009. Etymology: naught). I'm going to throw out some wild guesses.

Prominence of gay characters on TV -

Electronic music revival -

Polo shirts -

Sushi -

If you have any more for the 'Naughtie List' help me out.

The Sex Talk Your Parents Never Had With You

2009-04-17T09:28:00.008-04:00

There are a lot of things about sex our parents were too squeamish to explain to us. Here are little tips and tricks that will help you survive the wild wild jungle of intercourse.

Have Sex With Virgins

Some people like to have wild experiences with skilled sexperts. I have no such bias. Participating in bodily acts with virgins will be a an amazing experience. I call it "The First Bite of the Pie." Other names might include, "The First Lay's Chip," (can't have just one though) or "The Fresh Cookie" (interpret that one as you like). What I'm trying to get across here, is that it's a very crispy experience.

Check to See if You're Immune to STDs

I read an article that Lithuanians, like all Baltics, are generally fifteen percent less likely to acquire STDs. It's important to know things like this. It means it's time to throw out our condoms and really start living again.

Be Culturally Sensitive

Did you know that "no" is Macedonian for "yes"? So if someone keeps telling you, "No no, please no, do not follow me home, no no no do not come in my room, no no no no no." there is a 50-50 chance that they are actually saying "yes yes yes."

Finally, Have Sex a Lot

Did you know that if you don't use your penis, it falls off? Studies show that any inactive part will become useless and detach itself. Ladies, don't think you're off the hook. You don't want anything hanging out, do you?

So thank you for taking the time to read this important stuff. If you follow my advice as shown here, then you're fucked.

Does the Sun Revolve Around Toronto?

2009-04-16T08:53:00.004-04:00

I recently visited my friend, Mike in Oakville. I don't believe I have ever officially been there before, so it was actually a bit of a culture shock for me. The neighbourhood we hung out in had this grand entrance, and the street had little parkettes in it like Wisteria Lane (sorry, Mike. Couldn't avoid the reference).

I found myself involuntarily making jokes about the suburbs, comparing them to Toronto. After some time, I realized that I was being rude.

Growing up in Toronto, we are actually trained and taught that our city is the centre of functionality in the world. We believe that we have one of the cleanest, safest, most multi cultural cities that exist. Although I love this place, and have lived here my whole life, it would be good to stop romanticizing.

Torontonians are notorious for being self-centred, and knowing nothing about the rest of Canada or even Ontario. Truth be told, I don't know where most of the surrounding towns are in relation to my city. The revelation was a well needed reality check for an old-timer like me.

The Flame Wars

2009-04-15T10:20:00.002-04:00

My cousin Rena was showing me some comments on her youtube account. Most of the people write very nice things, but others have some remarks to write. It's not that aspect that's hilarious. It's just that when one person writes something like, "You suck," others will write "What, how can you say that," then they go on this continual flame war of arguing over who has better taste in music.

The internet has made us into children.

The Real World: English Student Edition

2009-04-14T08:04:00.006-04:00

I've always had this vague passing interest in economics. So I decided this summer to take an online course in Microeconomics. I bought the book early so to get ahead, and I was pleasantly surprised by its content.

Economics is so- practical. Everything I was reading was based on reality, results, and the scientific method. It was so refreshing to study something that had a tangible aspect, as opposed to most of those English and philosophy courses I had previously taken at school.

I was describing the difference to my roommate, Michelle. English is all vague, abstract and subjective like this,

"Ooooh, I feel like Romeo and Juliet is about fate. I feeeeeeelll like there are several points in the play that demonstrate this. SOoooooooo in conclusion, Roommmeo and Juulieeeet is superrrr about faaaate."

while Economics is more like,

"Evidence. Cause. Result. Normative actions. Evidence. Cause. Result. Tendencies."

Michelle pointed out that my comparison and description was very much that of an English student. Looks like my destiny is inescapable.

On another note, I've rediscovered another show to waste my time during exam week: Daria.

La la la la la.

Boysai and Their Can-Do Living

2009-04-13T05:39:00.004-04:00

I got a text from my good friend Andrew at around 7pm one weekend. He wanted to know what I was up to. He suggested we go to his cottage. We got Al in on it, but he had a stipulation: he needed to be back in time to go to church with his family tomorrow at 9am. Andrew's cottage is two hours away. We had to pull off a twelve-hour cottage trip.

9pm-9am

9pm: The drive. We burned ourselves out on Lady Gaga mixes.

11pm: Arrived alive, came into the cabin.

12am: Began making mixed drinks with expired juice.

1am: Discussed life philosophies while listening to blue grass music. Also a frozen pizza.

2am: Heart-to-hearts while classical music soothed our souls.

3am: Trust exercises [the falling one]. Apparently I have the most trust issues.

4am: Incoherent conversations, and a decision to go to bed.

6am: Wake up to drive home.

7am: The time we actually woke up.

8am: McGriddles at a roadside McDonalds.

9am: Al is home, safe and sound, ready for church.

Stick around for next week, when we go for the 6-hour Euro Trip!

Me, Myself & IMovie

2009-04-12T12:20:00.003-04:00

I just spend a day trying to make a funny movie about a certain gameboy game.

My tool, IMovie.

It was the most tedious process of my life, but I got a lot out of it. Now I have some semblance of how the programme operates.

It's an interesting thing about our generation. We can just sort of absorb computers knowledge. Like learning a new language constantly. We just slip into the mind of every new application we come in contact with.

Just another shout out to Kavi and Michelle. I am such a fan of both your blogs. I read them as soon as they come out. I hope to be at your level one day.

A Very Good Friday

2009-04-11T10:21:00.003-04:00

As is traditional with Lithuanian families (as well as other European cultures) we got together this weekend to honour the ten year anniversary of my grandmother's death. We went to the Mandarin, which may seem like an odd choice, but my Bobute always loved places with a large amount of food.

I've been spending a lot of time with my family this weekend, and it makes me glad.

We're all getting along well, laughing, watching movies, eating together. It feels very natural. There were times when I was younger that I strayed, but I've learned my lesson since then.

When my parents, grandparents and other elders pass away, my only connection to my bloodline will be my cousins and brother. It's important to be kind to one another. Eventually we'll all be each others final link to our past, so it's not worth falling out or fighting.

Happy Easter, everyone.

Girl (Buying) Power & Fun With Words

2009-04-10T09:07:00.006-04:00

I read this article in the Globe & Mail.

Apparently many more men have lost their job this recession than women. Males are more likely to work in fields like construction or the auto industry which get hit hard by recessions. Females are often teachers and other service jobs which can weather through the recession easier.

It's made for new interesting arrangements at home. The Teeths, a conservative Indian family, found themselves with the wife having the earning power. Papa Teeth stays home and takes care of the house "I find myself telling my wife when she gets home, 'Take your shoes off, I just cleared the floor.'"

It's an interesting turn of events that I didn't expect. I know the economic hardship is tough, but I predicted some good things would come out of it. I was hoping that people would learn to live with less. I was looking forward to new trends like smaller houses and cars.

So this has been another positive shift. It's not good that all these husbands lost their work, but the social change is beneficial. Now there could be less stigma for men wanting to stay at home and take care of children, without feeling emasculated. Women could gain higher positions and be more assertive without being labeled a bitch.

On a more self indulgent note, my roommate Michelle in I were in English class, and we were talking about the English language. We were thinking of words that take on news sounds when transformed. The first one we thought about was demonstrate. Deh Mon Strate. Then when it becomes demonstrative. Deh monstrative. Sounds demonic.

I made this little video to illustrate the difference association these transformations create.

Web Comics, or the Reason I Don't Need To Buy Anything Anymore

2009-04-09T07:07:00.007-04:00

Kate Beaton is a brilliant cartoonist. She writes comics about history, called "Hark, a Vagrant". I strongly urge everyone to check her out here. I already find web comics fairly smart and unique because they don't need to pander to publishers, but I have to say her work is especially intelligent.

She was at the North York library recently, and spoke on a panel about her medium. I wasn't able to attend, but my friend Chris Chang went and also picked me up this wonderful sketch she made just for me:

Her humour can sometimes be super Canadian, but that's why I love it. Here's a sample. It may cut off depending on your computer, so click here to view the full comic.

This new(ish) trend of internet comics has been great. I probably would like anything free though. I highly enjoy getting free music from Bit Torrent. Then there's the recent development of Google Books. Also awesome. I'm sure there's a boring debate somewhere here. Something like, "Blah blah where does it end? Will all media be free? Blah blah and will print be outdated."

No. I can't look at a computer screen for long periods at a time, so until they make little handheld electronic book things like Star Trek, I will continue to believe in print.

Here are some other popular web comics if you are interested:

Dinosaur Comics

Perry Bible Fellowship

Crazy Foodstuff for Crazy People

2009-04-08T08:12:00.004-04:00

What is that ridiculous blue swamp?

I decided that Sushi doesn't look fun enough. So when I made this most recent batch, I put a lot of blue food colouring in the rice. Most of my life, I haven't been into food. At least not in a big way. That changed recently when I started enjoying the process of cooking and baking. Not really because I like how it tastes or anything. I just enjoy sharing food as a way of showing affection for you all. Bringing food for your friends is an easy and natural way to convey our love for each other.

A few years ago I would have thought one had to go to a Sushi restaurant to make the stuff, and that it'd be too hard for a layperson (i.e. white person). But sushi's just rice rolled up in seaweed, anyone can do it. It's like a Japanese Sandwich. A few days ago, my buddy Joey and I made Cookie Dough Ice Cream within half an hour. All you need is a coffee can, milk, and a garbage bag full of ice.

So I'm enjoying this experimentation in the world of foodstuffs.
The next thing I want to bite off? Bacon cups.
Bacon can do no wrong.

Amazons Ain't So Scary!

2009-04-07T09:48:00.006-04:00

I don't want to gush, but-

Amazon.ca has amazing customer service.

I spent Half an hour trying to find a good used copy of the book, Saturday off the website. I was going to ship one in from Edmonton, when I realized I put in the wrong shipping information. I called customer service, and emailed them simultaneously. Within ten minutes I had a two page answer from two different service representatives, with answers specific to my problem.

Turns out my credit card got declined, so I went to the used book store by Ryerson and bought it for the same price, except instead of shipping I received it instantly. Ah well, I guess the internet has me hooked [see previous journal entry].

Ian McEwan wrote Atonement, which was adapted very well onto the big screen. I'm reading Saturday, because it too will be transformed into a motion picture. I do this because after I read a book that was made into a movie, something terrible happens. I can only picture the actors from the film playing the parts as I read.

If I read the The Reader, would I be imagining some original tits, or would I only see Kate Winslet's?

The New Face of Addiction

2009-04-06T10:53:00.003-04:00

I'm addicted to this little screen.

I tell people I don't watch a lot of TV. But I do watch at least one episode of Simpsons online a day.

I'm not promiscuous, but I've seen several orgies every week on YouPorn.

I don't read enough books, but I have read several thousand Wikipedia articles.

My name is Gint Paul Sileika.

I am an internet addict.

Existential Pizza Parties and the PIzza Theory

2009-04-05T22:12:00.007-04:00

I was training for an upcoming event, and during the break our boss bought us some pizza for a party. I had a philosophical crisis when I was watching other people eat

The vegetarian pizzas have several vegetables on them. Many people who were eating them would pick off specific ingredients and place them on a serviette. It made me wonder how anyone can have such a strong preference that they would need to pick off, say three red peppers to suddenly make their meal is so much better. I thought it was especially funny when people picked off the tomatoes (what do they think the sauce is made from?).

These thoughts continued to irk me on my ride home. But I'm easily irked. I'm an irksome person.

I always find it impressive when I meet people who are above this. For example, Michelle.

Michelle doesn't care if we all decide to go to one club or the other. We all know there's going to be music, friends and drinks. The differences are minute. She's the kind of girl who learns to like wherever she is, with whomever, and doing whatever.

Kudos, Michelle.

Around the World in Three Years

2009-04-04T18:33:00.009-04:00

I had start moving my stuff out of my apartment at Carlton and Parliament today. Back to the parents this summer. They only live about forty minutes away, so I'm not going far. Sometimes I'm asked why I pay such an expense to live downtown during the summer, when I could save some cash by living with the 'rents. I could've saved those few thousand dollars for a Europe trip, or a bike.

But I like living with completely different people every year. Since 2006, I've had between 9-12 roommates. It's been an intense learning experience, and I've loved every step of the way. Even if some of those steps were into dog shit.

When Neil met Wycik

Neil Wycik was the first place I ever lived on my own. I quickly met my four roommates, Jessie, Tim, Tram and Andrea. Only Jessie and And Tram are in the photo above on the far left and far right respectively. It was a fairly spartan place to be, having been built fifty years ago with minimal renovations. My roommates were pleasant, but Jessie's electric guitar became the bane of my existence, seeing as we shared a wall.

Highlights: Korean movie night and sushi with Tram. I learned a lot about famous works of Shim Eun-Ha. And who could forget Choi Min-shik?

Lesson Learned: No matter how many sleeping pills you take, you can't drown out the sound of an art student's electric guitar playing at three in the morning.

Victoria, Roxie & Me

After my short stint at Neil Wycik, my good friend Victoria and I decided to move into an apartment together. It was good rent, but I had to convert the living room into a bedroom. A couple months into our living arrangement, Victoria brought a dog, Roxie, to come live with us. A beautiful pure bred, but also a bit of a tiny terror.

Highlights: Staying up all night together telling ghost stories. Then staying up all night because we were scared of the ghosts we learned about from each other.

Lesson Learned: When living with a pet who is learning to be house trained, do not keep a yoga mat that is the same colour as the the peeing matt. It makes for some awkward Downward Dog positions.

Purple Craze

I joined Ali, Jason, Michelle and Kaitlyn at the purple apartment come third year. Living above a chinese restaurant was not nearly as much of a cultural experience as I would have expected.

We had some memorable times from police shakedowns, to Jason setting the toaster oven on fire.

Highlights: Rooftop conversations about religion and electricity. There was only one rule: no horseplay.

Lesson Learned: The dry-erase board is God. All will do and listen to what it says.

Children are the Future

Next year I will be a Residence Advisor, or "don" at the Ryeron's ILLC. It's a converted old hotel. I thought having four roommates was a lot. I'll see how 28 floormates feel.

Things to Look Forward to: Never. Cooking. Again. I don't care what people say about Cafeteria food. It's going to be luxury living.

Duck and Cover: Kids and their parties. When will they ever learn?

Babel On

2009-03-18T17:32:00.003-04:00

I was reading in The Economist about how so many languages are becoming extinct. This has been a reoccuring trend since the boom in colonialism. In present times, with television and the internet, languages are becoming more homogenized.

While my myself, my parents, and grandparents have fought hard to keep the Lithuanian language alive in our homes and community, I do not find this news distressing or frightening. At this point I feel that our culture is safe, though this may not always be the case in the future.

Instead I believe it is condusive to peace to have so many people speaking the same tongue. There's less room misunderstanding. It was only a few hundred years ago that language differences were keeping countries in Europe from becoming United. Germany used to be a collection of city-states, barely held together by a similar dialect. Then they formed a country, in part, by uniting their language. Italy too had a similar situation. People lamented the lack of a proper lingua franca as we now have.

Though it is a myth, the story of the tower of Babel does relate. When everyone wanted to build a tower to God, he got pissed off. He created a variety of languages so that the people who were constructing could no longer communicate with each other. Make of it what you will.

What Would Freud Do?

2009-02-25T15:23:00.002-05:00

We were reading Frankenstein in my "Nature of Narrative" class. Then my teacher said those four words that I hate.

"Let's psychoanalyze this book."

My prof thought it to be a worthwhile endeavor for us to see how the Id, Ego and Superego fit into the novel we were reading.

We all know Freud has been largely discredited. He got the ball rolling on psychology, I'll give him that. I don't understand why we should use his methods to read into books. Mary Shelley came many years before he did anyways.

It's not as though we use Aristotelian science to understand the world. I didn't read Atonement, and think "My my my, isn't Brioney sanguine!" That would be stupid.

My horoscope totally predicted this happening.

2009-02-22T18:47:00.004-05:00

The New Canada

2009-02-19T22:53:00.003-05:00

I am getting tired of the fighting within Canada.

I feel as though the east and west are completely different places. All we share in common is our country's name.

I propose we divide the country in half. The wester portion we call Rupertland, a reference to the old region of Rupert's Land that some that area used to be called. British Columbia, Alberta, and Saskatchewan are already kindred spirits. They may as well stick together. As for Manitoba, well- we don't want it.

The east will be called Martins, after Martin Forbisher who was an explorer in northeastern Canada. PEI will no longer be a province, but an island of New Brunswick. Newfoundland and Labrador will become a part of Quebec. We will also begin a stronger push towards bilingualism. All elementary school will slowly involve extended French, instead of simply core French. All French schools will also be an option, because of the strong English presence of the United States, and Rupertland.

Some say this won't work, because eastern Canada is dying. We need Alberta's oil apparently.

Ah well.

A boy can dream-

Letter Writing

2009-01-19T20:22:00.002-05:00

This isn't one of those rants that leads to knocking the internet, MSN, Facebook and so on.

Do you ever see that? In class, whenever something comes up about society, all the first years jump to Facebook. It starts out legitimately enough. Something like, "Facebook is impersonal, while invading privacy." A point that's been beaten to death. Then they go into a long story about some girl they knew on Facebook, and she died or lived and got raped when she innocently drove over twenty kilometres to a known sex offenders house and didn't expect anything to happen. But oh, she met him on the internet so that's to blame.

This is not where I'm going.

Now the real shpiel.

I've started writing letters more. It started when my brother was training in the military, and the best way to communicate was by post.

Everything written became more deliberate and clear. One could establish a clear narrative of recent events without it getting jumbled and clumsy.

The first recipient of my new interest in letter-writing is my friend Travis from Kingston. The note was something to wait for and to anticipate. Such simple, inexpensive, productive fun. Something I could do well to seek out more.

Group gym classes are fun. No way to be poetic about it. Just fun. All the classes are geared especially towards women. I hope I don't work the wrong muscles and become more effeminate.

In gay culture, they call those "twinks". Like twinkies I suppose. It wasn't on the Online Etymology Encyclopedia.

Self Help Yourself Gone

2008-12-25T23:40:00.002-05:00

This is not about Kate (Katrina), in the picture. Just in case her or our friends read this (love you).

Why do people irk me so often? I'm just in a general state of irkedness.

Just reading something someone's written, or hearing their voice- it's unsettling. Mostly when it's for long periods at a time. There's only a certain quota of being social I can manage.

When I worked at a summer camp, there was this kid. Let's call him Miko. He had what Wikipedia calls Mysophobia. Hated germs, and dirt and shit. It was freaky.

We used to take the kids canoeing in this tiny pond. Miko couldn't get in the canoe. He was scared of the minimal filth that lives in every canoe. He would screech and I had to wait on the shore with him.

This ties together. These must be signs of economic and social prosperity. We're not used to not have any battles and aggravation as a species. We have to create little wars, and it gets manifested in little quirks.

Fuck it anyways. I'm feeling a little squirmy from having my time off invaded by so much 'familial bliss'. I thought I would spend the holidays reading several books. And I am. But all these social obligations are tiring me out. So writing this is feeling therapeutic.

Wait

There it is.

I feel better.

Catharsis. That's what this is. Cathartic. I'm purged.

So I'm reading "The Broom of the System" by David Foster Wallace.

Just finished "Bear" by Marian Engel.

Loving modern styles of writing. I'll tell you about it sometime.

2008-12-23T22:33:00.000-05:00

It's fun to read several books at once.

It's like having several friends to visit at all times.

Mr. Internet 2009

2008-12-16T08:21:00.004-05:00

As you can tell from the logo across their face, I got that image off gaystockphotos.com. There are websites where you can view thousands of pictures of two men together for purposes of advertisements. I used to find it funny, but when I worked (briefly) for a gay dating agency they used it for all their ads.

So the point at hand is the internet. It seems every gay person is a master of it. I've generally avoided it for use of man-meeting because of some weird experiences. I remember in the eleventh grade, I met two people online in the same week. Let's call the John and Jacob.

John was a cool guy. He went to university, and just wanted to hang out and talk. He was having some relationship troubles and wanted to meet some other gay friends because he felt they might understand better. We remained friends for a few years, but lost touch recently. All in all, he was a good experience.

Jacob was a little more erratic. While I had never talked to John much (we met pretty much on a whim) I had corresponded with Jacob for a month. His messages were always very cryptic but I had just figured he was artsy. We met outside a club one day, both of us with our own friends. He was very quiet. I didn't think much of it till I got home.

He sent me three or four emails that night after we met. The first was that I was a disappointment, the next was that I was very cool, then another one that he hated me. It may seems benign but at seventeen years old, I was pretty shaken by these emails. He seemed disturbed. He continued sending me crazy emails for a few months, sometimes detailing places he saw me. He always denied that there was any malicious nature to him. Regardless of his defense, it was not a happy experience for me.

So I've pretty much tried to enjoy life without the online portion of it. I usually preferred to meet guys through friends and friends of friends. Recently I'm feeling tapped out, and I think I've been single too long. I don't find single life particularly liberating.

So I'm talking to people online. It's fun so far. I've been doing it for a few days so far. Everything is going smoothly. More updates if I have any crazy anecdotes.

Eat, Drink and be Hairy

2008-12-14T13:53:00.004-05:00

I have become a little tired of it. The partying. My friends tell me I never partied that hard but I still feel like it's beem too much. Feeling drunk hasn't helped my life particularly. Some people say it can loosen one's inhibitions so that they can meet new people. I doubt I have met anyone of merit under extreme intoxication. At least not anyone that I remember.

I'm not making any grandiose promises. Nothing like, "I will never drink again." That's simply not reasonable because of the environment I'm in, and the culture I'm a part of. I just think I'm going to try a little restraint.

I remember going to my friend Nigel's house last week, and we played Balderdash. It's that word game, where people make definitions and have to get people to guess them. Look it up. Anyways, we played this with six or seven people on a Friday night, and I had a great time.

This isn't supposed to be self-righteous. It's just an idea I'm throwing around. One day maybe I'll write about the experience I had in highs school when I gave up sex for Lent. I was a virgin at the time. Two days before the end of the 'fast', I lost my virginity.

Them, the Humans

2008-12-09T16:16:00.005-05:00

Not a lot to say,

I was writing an essay on why animals are fairly similar to humans.

I hate essays in the first or second person, I think they sound tacky.

"I believe that when I see a puppy, I will pet it."

"When you see a penny, you should pick it up."

"We are bad for what we are doing to the enviorment. We should be held accountable."

Sounds lame, eh?

So I like to write my essays in third person, even when it gets a little awkward. I use, "one" a little more often than most.

"One should consider then, the ramifications of war."

Maybe not much better, but I like it. So I had to write about humanity, but I only used the third person. So when I reffered to humans, I wrote "them" or "they".

It made me feel a little weird, as if I was isolating myself from my own kind.

I wrote a small town story this week. If it's good, I'll put it up in the future.

You're not Green

2008-12-08T21:27:00.015-05:00

Just briefly:

Generally, if you bought something new, it is not a Green Gift.

I saw this special on Green Gifts. One was- Organic Yoga Socks

This is not green. This does not help the environment. The earth does not care if your socks

are made of cotton or rubber. The energy it took to design, produce, and ship those socks only

increased carbon output.

The only green gift I can image is one that is used. Also, something made completely

from scratch though this would be very difficult living in the city.

If you put together a homemade gift of canvas bags for grocery shopping that is still not green per se, assuming you bought the raw materials. It is not helping the environment it's just hurting it slightly less than most conventional gifts would.

Sorry for the awkwardly placed "most". The html on my blogger is messing up at the moment. I'll fix it later.

Solve All Your Problems by Eating a Raisin

2008-11-24T20:24:00.004-05:00

It sounds like I'm being sarcastic. I am not. I have no capacity to create or understand sarcasm. Especially on the internet.

I went to a "Mindful Living" class at school. Every week we take an hour and a half to be Mindful. Just being aware of breathing- walking- sitting. I would have used an ellipsis to show the pauses there, but I feel like they're overdone. Somehow, you people have overdone a punctuation symbol. Shame.

So, how this raisin saved my life. They gave all of us a raisin. We had to look at it for five minutes without talking. We had to observe what it smelled like, looked like, felt like. All the dimensions. And I did. Raisins looked more red than I remembered (I don't eat raisins much these days since the California Raisins). I'm sure you can imagine, or better yet you should do this yourself.

After five minutes, we ate them. Then it hits you. Or me. I just ate something that had so many layers to it. It was just one fucking raisin, but there was a lot to it. Everything I touch and use has unlimited facets.

So I realized I'm rich. Very aware of colours and-

I can tell I'm losing you. It's so cheesy eh? Well fuck it, I hate writing to an audience today (audience?). In University, anything emotional or sentimental is thought of as- thoughtless. Also, they all poo poo complex writing saying it's inaccessible. Well maybe things are too accessible. Get on that step stool and pick up that container of cookies that is out of your reach. You have the tools to do so.

So from now on, maybe I'll make my posts in Lithuanian.

Mano lietuviu kalba truputi silpna. As negaliu rasyti teisingai be lietuviska kyborda (?) Man trodo kad musu kalba taip komplikuota kad gal mes gudringesnei neigo kiti. Cepelinai labai skanus, bet nesveika daznai valgyt.

You should look that up.

So a couple of years ago, I thought I would write a letter to one of those 'ex gay' camps to see what they're like. I wasn't going to join, but I wanted to know their rationale, and facilities and so on. It turned out to be one of the most frightening inquiries of my life. I should tell you about it some day.

The Trouble with Tribbles- I mean Shoelaces

2008-11-22T01:13:00.004-05:00

I like having my shoelaces untied.

It keeps me on my toes, and my mind stimulated. When I walk with untied shoes, I'm always slightly aware of my feet.

The only problem is when people notice. 'Friendly' nieghbours (spiderman?) always point it out. "Hey buddy, your shoelaces are untied". Smiling at me, thinking they've won eternal life by way of good deeds. All they have won is their self-satisfaction. I bend down, waiting for them to leave. I can see their grin looking back at me, hoping to affirm their deed by a look or response from me. Once out of sight, I stand up, unwavering in my untiedness and continue.

I read an Agatha Christie book. I should read more canonical popular fiction. But later. Makes me wonder, does popular fiction have a canon? I think Shakespeare was popular in his day. And now he's a cannon.

Second City: The Book

2008-11-10T12:02:00.005-05:00

Improvisation feeds me.

From a young age, I enjoyed the high I got from improv games. It's like lucid dreaming in the sense that your surroundings can be manipulated by your thoughts and actions to an extent. Improv gave me a sense of power at a time when I felt completely gutless. That could be why so many people who have felt marginalized are drawn to the art. It is appealing to the observers as well as the performer, due to the infinite nature of the medium. With improv, you are always seeing a new show, with a new story, and a new set of characters. Most include audience participation, wherein the people watching decide the setting or theme giving them some of the power as well.

The guidelines of improv have helped me with my writing. Specifically, the "yes, and" rule. "Yes, and" comes into play when someone makes a suggestion. The other player must agree, and add on to it. An easy example would be,

"Let's build a sandcastle!"

"Yes, and let's use the shells from Mister McGreggor's collection to decorate it."

Right away, a task is presented and the responder has added a layer of foreshadowing to the scene. Mister McGreggor might be a mean old man, or he could be a sea nymph in disguise.

Audience participation is possible in writing. Here's an an exercise that gives the dialogue in a piece a very unique feeling. Sit in a cafeteria, or some other place where people engage in conversations. Write a story, and as a spot where dialogue is required comes up, write in whatever you overhear from a nearby conversation. Another method is to start with the first two lines you hear from one the people seated at the nearby tables.

You may come up with something like this,

"Why do you carry that picture around everywhere? She's not a real person!"

"But she is a real person!"

From that tiny piece of dialogue I just heard, thousands of potential stories can be born.

"Why do you carry that picture around everywhere? She's not a real person!"

Allison held the ultrasound of her baby sister against her chest.

"She is a real person! She's just getting ready. It's like boiling an egg."

Allison's teacher, Ms. Todd smirked at her student's strength of character. She believe that this girl may never back down in life. Unless someone set her straight.

Then, you overhear another conversation. Even if it's non-sensical in nature, include it. You add sense to it afterwards.

"Bring me a couple of chicks."

Now, to add it to the story.

"Bring me a couple of chicks from the incubator, Allison. And an egg."

Ms. Todd would not be proven wrong by a child. The class had been growing chicks from an eggs as a sort of early stage of science class. While Allison fetched the animals, Ms. Todd pulled a tack from the nearby bulletin board.

"Watch this Allison,"

She picked up one of the chicks with her hand. With the other, she took the tack and slowly began to pierce its wing. The animal started to struggle and make distressed noises.

"See, it feels pain. All living things do."

"Don't do that Ms. Todd."

The teacher, finished with her initial example, turned Allison's attention to the egg.

"On the other hand, this egg is like your little sister."

She held the egg in her palm, the proceeded to crush it.

"No reaction. It's certainly not alive."

That turned into a bit of a children's horror story. It must be because I'm in exam and essay time at school, and the stress is getting to me. It was enjoyable however, to write something that didn't need citations or academic sources.

Improvisational writing has been around for some time. One mode of this is 'Stream of Consciousness". If anyone has ever read the works of Virginia Woolf, they will understand. It is allowing yourself to write what is coming into your mind, and not letting structure or logic shape what comes out. After that small fable (Aesop would not be proud) I feel like having another go at improvisational writing in my next post.

Writing Life

2008-10-04T17:44:00.004-04:00

Give me a second to get my thoughts together-

I used to work for Humber College's writing school.

There were a lot of people who wanted to be writers.

There were two sound pieces of advice for writing successfully:

The first, is to work hard.

The second was to always be reading. It's research.

I believe there's a third one that is not as well known:

Living. Not living in the passive sense. Living very actively. One should seek out new people and places constantly. It helps the characters in have unique voices.

With that being said, I celebrated Rosh Hashana this week.

Jewish New Year.

I am not Jewish, I actually went to Catholic school for twelve years.

I do however have an ongoing interest in Judaism.

I'm going to write these events out. I'll need their sounds, feelings and smells later.

Being the same is being different.

2008-09-16T16:32:00.002-04:00

Hey

I feel like most people in the creative industry want to do
something that will be regarded as 'high culture'.

I've learned that I do not have this desire.
I want to write something entertaining.

I hope this statement doesn't reflect poorly on me later. Or right now.

I'm hoping to write a series of sorts. Tune in every once in a while for an update. I might do more than one at a time.