Swimming

Swim, swam, swum

I started adult swimming classes today. It's open to anyone, so some people don't know how to float, while others are moderately adequate at the skill. I took lessons until I was ten, so I can do all the regular strokes, I just wanted to improve so that I can go to the pool without looking like a fool (a pool fool?). I was the only one in the class that could go in the deep end without a noodle, so it was fun to be able to whoop ass in water polo.

Everyone always says that 'swimming is the best exercise.' No doubt. I was diagnosed with arthritis in my right knee this year. It's fairly severe. So my doctor advised I start pilates, yoga and swimming every week to get some all around strength into my body with little risk. I expect I'll look like a chick by the end of the semester since most of those exercise classes have all women, but it's a price I'll pay.

I believe like there's something especially natural about swimming. Someone once told me that people like waterfront properties because we're all homesick for either our pre-evolutionary days as fish, or the warm waters of the uterus. Either way, I think this is something I'll be doing for the rest of my life for health reasons, as well as that fact that I'm starting to fancy the activity.

So look out for me with my Lion King the Musical © towel and my goth black swimming trunks. I'm excited to enter the energetic, if not slightly homoerotic world of the swimming pool.

Word Personality Test

Think of the word:

set

Now, think of the first definition that comes to mind.

Set has the most definitions of any word in the English language. Depending on what definition you thought of first, you might learn a lot about yourself.

How Starbucks Won: A Grande Tale

I never thought it would happen to me-

There are a few tendencies of consumers I learned about in first year. They're called adoption categories. There are Innovators who are generally sophisticated young people that lead the way for new trends in products. Then there's early adopters, early majority, late majority and finally laggards. Laggards are often  older people who are stuck in their ways. In high school school, my nickname was Gramps. 

It was no surprise to anyone that I was very late in getting into this "Starbucks Boom." What has been fun is that being self-aware of my position as a laggard, I could watch myself eventually relent to Starbucks' power, and become one of those people who have very specific drink orders (grande, soy, peppermint mocha[when it's seasonal], no whip).

Here is my journey.

1) I have always had an aversion to dairy and caffeine. The most I would indulge in either would have been those Iced Caps at Tim Hortons. I thought I was safe.

2) I moved to downtown Toronto to take a Liberal Arts programme at Ryerson (85% get converted to Starbucks at this point). 

3) Instead of asking someone out, University students ask someone "out for coffee." If I wanted to continue having a sex life, I had to go through this necessary step.

4) I learned that working on my writing privately wasn't enough, and that I had to do it conspicuously so that everyone would know how artsy I am. I begin bringing my laptop to Starbucks and become one of those people.

5) My friend teaches me that I can get around the whole dairy and caffeine issue by getting a soy decaf latte. A whole new world of products was opened up to me. 

6) Several of my school chums begin working at Starbucks, and when they offer me a free drink upon visiting, I always accept (free stuff is always yes)

7) They invent these Starbucks Cards that allow me to get free soy, flavour shots, and internet as long as I load money onto it. 

8) Decaf turns out to actually have some caffeine in it, and I slowly built up an addiction to it after time. Coupled with a stressful exam period, I start to rely on Starbucks and realize that I have been going there at least three times a week.

9) The laggard finally gets on board. 

For anyone who hasn't caught the extra bout of humour from this entry, how pathetic am I making jokes about Starbucks? This is the sort of subject standup comedians haven't touched for ten years, joining the ranks of  airplane food and Michael Jackson. 

What is interesting to me, is how big companies like Starbucks eventually saturate our world so much that most people eventually give in. I don't like caffeine and dairy. So I shouldn't be going to a coffee place. That is supposed to be the end of the story. But somehow by brilliant marketing or my own folly I become trapped by another trend of the western consumer society.

Ah well. At least I don't have a BlackBerry or iPhone...

I Knew It!

I knew it! Except you didn't.

I could probably write a whole book on words of phrases I don't like, from redundant portmanteaus (guesstimate) to new expressions that should never have been allowed to exist (no homo). But for now, I have to discuss an old classic that gives me language indigestion.

"I knew it" is a flexible little guy. Like a cockroach or tumour it finds ways to exist anywhere at any time.  What the phrase does which is both brilliant and annoying. It allows the speaker to retroactively use details from their memory to argue that they knew a recently discovered fact all along. I know. That's a pretty wordy phrase for a guy halfway done a general arts degree. But I can explain through an example.

"... and it turns out that Ashley was actually gay all along."

"I knew it!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well- she used to always wear converse shoes in high school. It's a lesbian thing."

When it comes to homosexuality, "I knew it" comes up way too often. Whenever someone comes out of the closet, there's always a person who claims they knew it all along. The thing is, they didn't. There's a big difference between having a suspicion and knowing something. If you saw Ashley making out with a girl at a gay club one year ago, sure. Then you knew it. But if you noticed her wearing questionable shoes, you certainly didn't know anything. Except maybe how to identify shoes. 

There are some grey areas where I believe the phrase is acceptable. Sometimes if there are unsurprising repetitive outcomes to an ongoing subject, then "I knew it" can be justified to an extent.

"... so we all thought that this was going to work out. It was Ashley's third time in rehab. But the progress she was making was promising. But then, out of the blue during group therapy, she used a chair to smash open a window, and ran away into the night."

"I knew it."

"How so?"

"Ashley never changes. This is her third time in rehab after all. She has consistently not stuck to quitting drugs for ten years."

While it's not perfect, I wouldn't call it incorrect usage of the phrase, although "I'm not surprised" would have be a safer choice. The thing that the speaker knew, was Ashley's qualities that have remained consistent, unchanging and previously confirmed. This new circumstance is a logical continuation to Ashley's ongoing habits. 

So the next time Ashley does something surprising or out of the ordinary, carefully consider what you say next. 

Note: these rules also apply to people not named Ashley

What's the Game in your Head?

I have this game I play in my head when I'm walking in a residential area,

If a car should pass me as I'm walking, my foot furthest from the road must be on the ground, while the other should not be touching the ground. It may sound like some sort of compulsive habit, but it is a game to me. The trick is to make it seamless, and inconspicuous. 

I haven't consciously thought about this game until recently. It's always just been going on in the back of my head. But I know there are other internal games going with your minds too. I'm curious to learn what they are. Maybe I could pick one up even. 

What is your head game?

Goodbye, Safari Car

Safari Car made every ride feel like an adventure. We weren't just driving around, we were on a journey. Now he's on a different highway, cruising all the way up to the big guy.

Safari Car started his life around 1992. My grandfather needed a hardy vehicle for getting to his bee farm. The property was down a bumpy country road, and only a standard car with 4 wheel drive would be able to make it. That was when Safari Car entered my life.

We started out by doing simple things. Grandpa would drive me down to High Park so that we could look at nature, and Safari Car would be right there with me, taking me to where I needed to be. I was too young to fully understand that this machine was a family member, and not just mode of transportation.

Once my grandfather was too old to drive, Safari Car came to live with my family. Again, I didn't get to know him very well even then. He was just the secondary car, and he was much smaller than the big beige Taurus. When I started to learn how to drive, I avoided him altogether. No one wants to drive standard, when they have the option to go automatic. I was scared, and unready.

Then one day, when the Taurus was on vacation with my parents, it was just me and Safari Car. We didn't deal with each other. I stuck to public transit. But when a friend needed a ride home to Burlington, it was time to give this ride a try. We started out slow and awkward. There was a lot of stalling, and false starts. But after a bumpy two hour trip we somehow made it to our destination. And I had made a new friend along the way.

This was our honeymoon period. Safari Car and I went everywhere together for a good four years. I learned that by driving stick, I was driving with the car. We were interconnected. Not like automatic, which is mostly just pressing down a pedal to go. Some friends embraced the thrill of the Safari Car ride. Others needed time to adjust to his wild ways. And there were even some who refused to ride with him at all.

Safari Car had come to me late in life. He was an old soul. There were days where he would have trouble getting started. He didn't even let the key into the ignition sometimes. And when I drove on the highway, I could hear the wind passing through the door that never quite shut right. I knew we wouldn't have much time together, but I made the most of it. I can guarantee that much.

A few days ago, we realized that Safari Car was on his way out. My parents made it clear to me that we would have to 'put down' Safari Car. They assured me that we would get a new car, that was just as good. I didn't want a new car. I wanted my old partner to be okay. But that wasn't going to happen.

I don't know what happens to us when we die. I certainly don't know what happens to cars when they die. But when life gets bumpy, I always knew I could get in Safari Car and we could ramble along together.

Just wanted to say goodbye, old friend.

Party Philosophers.

Drunk people. We think we're so smart.

I went to a party a few nights ago, and met this very intelligent man, Mike (I'm sure he won't mind me mentioning his name since he's a very 'chillz' guy). He was very into philosophy, and discussion. I believe we spent most of the night talking ideas, literature, policy and other lofty matters. I remember feeling engaged and enthralled.

Today, I'm trying to remember what it is specifically we talked about.

It happens a lot. These deep conversations that only come out under the moonlight and maybe some moonshine. If you have ever been to a party and had more than two drinks, I guarantee you have talked about one of the following:

You know man, people should be able to do what they want no matter what. Except for pedophiles. That's fucking gross. And those people that piss on each other.

You know, I don't consider myself a religious person. I'm more 'spiritual.' Like you know, that feeling when you walk in the park on and autumn day, and you can, like, feel god. It's like, whoah.

Oh man, pollution is the worst. I can't believe what we're doing to the world. It's all those corporations and shit that are fucking everything up. I mean, I don't recycle or conserve or do any of that stuff. But I care. I really care, you know what I mean?

This may prove the theory that alcohol does indeed make you dumber.